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The new rules of friendship
“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.” “You have been my friend,” replied Charlotte. “That in itself is a tremendous thing.” ~E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web While researching the topic of friendship for an article several years ago, I discovered the work of Irene S. Levine, PhD, the popular psychologist and author known as the Friendship Doctor. Soon after, Irene became my go-to expert when I needed quotes and tips for relationship articles or columns. She also became a treasured and supportive friend. Today, nearly every time I thumb through a national magazine, I see Irene quoted in…
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Listening is a healing art
“People start to heal the moment they feel heard.” ~Cheryl Richardson I felt totally unmoored when my primary care physician announced his retirement last year. For more than 25 years, Dr. Paul managed my healthcare and provided first-rate referrals to the specialists I needed, including the orthopedic surgeon who replaced both of my hips. Most of all, my good doctor listened with care. He took my concerns seriously. Luckily, my new primary care doctor is a compassionate listener too. Though I’m new to her practice, I’m pleased with the relationship we’re building. Likewise, I appreciate those rare friends and family members who listen deeply. As Cheryl Richardson suggests in today’s quote,…
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More joy, please
“When we place our attention on joy, we become more joyful. The world seems more benevolent.” ~Martha Beck When I focus on the top stories in the news — an uncertain economic forecast, for starters — I catch myself feeling angry, fearful or depressed. But the worst part, really, is that I lose sight of the goodness in my life. You have to be receptive to moments of joy. And you have to be ready to catch it in unexpected places. While some people think joy can be bought, the brightest sparks of joy are often available free of charge. I find joy in spring gardens that are just waking…
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What’s your grandparenting style?
“If I’d known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first.” ~Lois Wyse About three years ago, I was thrilled to add “Grandma” to my resume. But I couldn’t help but wonder: Had my childcare skills gotten rusty? What makes a good grandparent? I understood the fine line between hovering and supporting — and I wasn’t sure how to get it right. After doing a little research, I learned there are five key styles of grandparenting. That’s the topic of my new column in The Oakland Press. To read it online, please click here. Or you’ll find it here in the May issue of Vitality…
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Hearts of stone?
“Whatever you want emotionally, you have to start giving away.” ~Mary Karr, memoirist According to Dr. Lindsay Jernigan, a clinical psychologist quoted on PsychCentral.com, the term “emotionally unavailable” refers to individuals who are “not comfortable feeling their own emotions, sharing emotions with others, or being present and responsive to someone else’s emotions.” Emotionally unavailable people don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. We might describe them as prickly, distant, aloof, or unapproachable. And that doesn’t mean they’re unworthy of our affection — but they’re probably not the first ones we reach for when we need a dose of comfort. We all know a few folks who qualify as emotionally unavailable…
