The beauty of “letting them”

“When you say Let them, you make a conscious decision not to allow other people’s behavior to bother you. When you say Let me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next.” ~Mel Robbins, The Let Them Theory

As Mel Robbins sees it, some things in life are beyond our control — and that can feel painful at times. In her best-selling book, The Let Them Theory, Robbins shares a simple philosophy that will free you from the stress of trying to manage other people’s opinions and actions.

The need to be in control is often our biggest roadblock to healthy relationships and true contentment, Robbins believes. We can’t control the weather or the economy, nor can we control the behavior of other adults in our lives. Sometimes our kids, spouses, or friends do exactly as they please — even when we wish they wouldn’t. Sometimes we have to step back and … let them.

Did an old neighbor snub you at the grocery store last week? Does your adult daughter reject your child-rearing advice? Are friends ignoring your texts or phone messages? Do your in-laws disagree with your politics? Let them.

The Let Them Theory helps you determine when to pick your battles or simply walk away. “Those two words — let them — help you recognize that something out there is not within your power, and that your energy is worth protecting,” Robbins says.

Is letting them the same as letting go? Not quite. The theory is more about taking responsibility for your own wellbeing while you allow others to manage their own lives. (There’s a great section on parenting young adults without enabling, for instance.) If you keep blaming others for your problems — or you’re always trying to fix problems for others — it’s likely that someone or something else is controlling you. The Let Them Theory will help you reclaim your emotional independence.

Oprah Winfrey says it’s one of the best self-help books she’s ever read. And it’s especially useful for turbulent, unpredictable times — like right now. As Robbins explains, “No matter how powerless the world makes you feel, you always have power inside you, through your attitude and through your actions.” ~Cindy La Ferle