relationships
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Boundaries
“We live in a time when people have unprecedented access to us. Bosses and coworkers expect you to read emails and DMs late at night, friends and family go into long rants over the phone or texts and expect instant feedback. Sometimes we have to say, ‘I don’t have the capacity to hold you right now because I’m trying to hold myself.'” ~Melanie Santos Stone walls, fences, and guard rails are essential boundaries: They protect our property or keep us from falling over the edge. At the same time, psychological boundaries helps us guard our time and privacy. As today’s quote reminds us, once the Internet took possession of our…
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Anniversary musings
“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche Last month, Doug and I celebrated our 42nd anniversary. During a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant, our server asked us if we’d share the secrets of a long and happy partnership. She was living with her boyfriend, she said, and wasn’t sure about their future together. Doug and I assured her that the success of a marriage depends on the couple — and every couple is different, of course. For us, shared values and interests are essential,…
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The right balance
“Good relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort.” ~Mona Sutphen I once read an article by a therapist who suggested that “imbalance” is often at the root of relationship trouble. When any relationship feels off, the therapist advised, it helps to do a reality check and consider what could be out of balance. Am I talking more than listening? Am I taking more than giving? Am I initiating social activities or just waiting for someone to call me? Understandably, we all have times when we fall short of being present in the ways people need us. Then again, sometimes we expect more than someone can give…
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Forgiveness
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” ~Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre I’ve been preparing for an upcoming journaling workshop that I’ll be leading on the topic of growing older with courage and grace. In every resource I’ve studied for this program, “forgiveness” is listed as essential to our wellbeing as we age. Everyone struggles with grudges, emotional wounds, or petty grievances. But as Anne Lammott writes in Traveling Mercies, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Forgiving someone who hurt you doesn’t always mean that the damaged relationship will return to normal — or even resume…
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Love and struggle
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It’s an active noun, like ‘struggle.'”~Fred Rogers Relationships are always evolving — and that applies to friendship as well as romance. In the early stages, we tend to idealize our partner or best friends. But who on earth can live up to our highest expectations at all times? The longer we know someone, and the more we grow, the more likely we’ll encounter obstacles, conflict, or disappointment. As Fred Rogers suggests in today’s quote, “struggle” is an active part of love. The strength of any relationship depends on how we deal with it. ~CL Photo: Meijer Gardens & Sculpture Park by Cindy La…
