relationships

  • Communication,  Health & wellbeing,  relationships

    Love and struggle

    “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It’s an active noun, like ‘struggle.'”~Fred Rogers Relationships of any kind will evolve, change, and reshape themselves. In the early stages, we tend to idealize a new partner as well as our new friends. But who on earth can live up to our highest expectations — all of the time? The longer we know and love someone, and the more we grow, the more likely we’ll encounter a few obstacles, conflicts, and disappointments. Sometimes we’re called to struggle with a crisis together, or we need extra support to handle a problem or a challenge. Fragile relationships won’t withstand the stress — but the…

  • Aging well,  Anne Lamott,  Personal growth,  relationships

    Forgiveness

    “Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” ~Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre Responding to a recent “Life Lines” post about bad habits, a subscriber confided that giving up grudges is on her list of resolutions this year. We agreed that forgiveness is essential to our wellbeing — but not so easy to put into practice. Everyone struggles with grudges, emotional wounds, and petty grievances. But as Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”  Forgiving people who hurt us doesn’t necessarily mean that all of those damaged relationships will return to…

  • Communication,  Friendship and relationship advice,  Photo stories,  relationships

    Make a note of it

    “In this era of email and voice mail and all those things that I didn’t grow up with, a plain old paper letter takes on amazing intimacy.” ~Elizabeth Kostova Yesterday I found a hand-written thank you note in my mail slot, delivered by the husband of a neighbor who’s still recovering from joint-replacement surgery. I had dropped off a container of chili at their home a week earlier, knowing how hard it is to cook meals when you’re barely able to walk. This dear neighbor had extended the same kindness to me when I was recovering — and I certainly didn’t expect her to write a thank you note. Nonetheless,…

  • Anna Quindlen,  Inspirational quotes,  relationships

    Glittering magical moments

    “Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won’t happen. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live.” ~Anna Quindlen, A Short Guide to a Happy Life At the close of a busy summer, many of us like to review the highlights of the season. We might focus on the major milestones — weddings, graduations, birthdays, retirement parties, or family vacations. Likewise, when we chronicle…

  • Communication,  relationships

    Watching what we say

    “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou While preparing for a personal essay workshop I’m coaching in September, I ran across some of my earlier notes about the importance of “voice and tone” in our writing. Since most personal essays are deliberately conversational, our job as writers is to draw readers into the heart of our stories. We want others to relate to our experiences; we don’t want to alienate them. The same is true when we’re talking with someone. Our tone of voice carries our intention, and everything we share out loud…