• Communication,  Friendship and relationship advice,  social skills

    Deep listening

    “How often do you offer your undivided attention to others? Do you inquire into how they’re doing, what’s happening in their world, or what they need to feel safe and happy? Or are you quick to talk about yourself and see how others might serve you?” ~John Amodeo, PhD One of the hallmarks of a great conversationalist is the ability to listen. Ideally, when someone asks what you’ve been up to lately, you hope they’ll pay attention to your answer and ask follow-up questions. Too often lately, most people seem eager to shut you up, derail your topic, and reroute the conversation back to themselves. How often have you walked…

  • Anne Lamott,  Personal growth,  Photo stories

    How will you spend today?

    “Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it, and find out the truth about who you are.” ~Anne Lamott Psychologists and researchers keep sounding the alarm: Social media abuse can inhibit our creativity, foster unhealthy competition, make us overly self-conscious, stir feelings of inadequacy, and fuel aggression — just for starters. According to these experts, we make some dubious trade-offs when our time is consumed by social…

  • Personal growth,  Photo stories

    Expectations

    It’s never a bad idea to hold ourselves and others to higher standards. Striving for “the best” is a worthy goal. But extremely high (or unrealistic) expectations are sometimes followed by disappointment. One small example: How many times have you dined at a trendy new restaurant, only to end up disappointed when your meals fell short of the rave reviews you’d read? At the same time, if you expect more from other folks than they’re able to give, you’re bound to feel letdown at some point. Or, as Anne Lamott put it, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” Sometimes what we want isn’t directly in line with what is available…

  • Communication,  Family columnists,  Health & wellbeing,  Newspaper columnists

    Communication skills

    “Lack of communication leaves fear and doubt.” ~Kellan Lutz Lately I’ve been thinking about communication — and what makes good communication. I’m an over-communicator by nature and by trade. After college, I had publishing jobs that required a lot of meetings and follow-up phone calls. Later, as a newspaper columnist, my career was all about talking to people in print. (Early in my marriage, one of my in-laws told me I “talk too much.”) But after years of living among both chatterboxes and quiet people, I’m much more comfortable with the chatterboxes. While some folks believe it’s safer to say less — or nothing — silence doesn’t help build relationships.…

  • social skills,  the challenges of being original

    Can you walk in someone else’s shoes?

    “We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other. It is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.” ~Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund In popular culture, we talk a lot about the importance of honoring our differences and celebrating our uniqueness. We want others to appreciate our flaws and quirks — or at least accept them — and respect our opposing points of view. We want the freedom to worship as we choose, the freedom to express ourselves, the freedom to choose our…