Friendship and relationship advice
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Life without Facebook
“The biggest problem is that Facebook and Google are these giant feedback loops that give people what they want to hear. And when you use them in a world where your biases are constantly confirmed, you become susceptible to fake news, propaganda, and demagoguery.” ~ Franklin Foer This year I’m celebrating eight years of Facebook sobriety. Once I quit, my emotional wellbeing, social life, family relationships, and productivity all improved. I started reading more, writing more, and enjoying the simple pleasures I had overlooked while I was scrolling for social media updates. Though I wrote this Oakland Press column a couple of years ago, its message still applies today —…
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Trust
“The most precious thing in this world is trust. It can take years to earn and only a matter of seconds to lose. It’s important to keep trust at the forefront of everything you do.” ~Lolly Daskal, for Inc. Earlier this month, I celebrated the birthday of a close friend I’ve known since junior high school. Growing up, I spent so much time with her family that they called me “one of our own” — an honor I treasure to this day. Like all great friendships, this one is built on a history of many happy memories and a few hard times. And mutual trust. In the car recently, I listened…
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Nobody wins the waiting game
“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh Someone I know often complains that she rarely hears from some of her old friends and relatives. They’ve stopped calling to invite her out for lunch and other social activities. She’s sure she hasn’t “done anything” to deserve this neglect. Why have these people gone dark on her? Well, she’s right about the part where she said she hasn’t done anything. When I asked if she ever reaches out to initiate activities or simply keep in touch, she admitted that she rarely does. She…
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Truth looks good on you
“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz Rumors and gossip and misinformation, oh my. Even though we know better, we might be tempted to share private information that we shouldn’t share. And even though we know better, we might spread misinformation without questioning the sources or researching the facts. Before you speak to someone or post anything on social media, it helps to question your own motives. What will you gain by spreading gossip or…
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Crossing the not-so-great divide
“Being nice to people you agree with can be a piece of cake, but if we’re only spending time around buddies who share our beliefs, we aren’t learning how to extend kindness and understanding to those who we don’t see eye to eye with. Practicing empathy across divides requires occasionally and willingly crossing those divides.” ~Rebekah Brandes, Nice News Last week I talked with another friend who’s on the verge of cutting ties with folks who don’t support her favored presidential candidate. If “the other candidate” wins, well, that’s the end of those relationships, she implied. Sadly, it’s not an uncommon conversation, given that we’re in the heat of the…