Friendship and relationship advice
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There’s a word for it
“When we love someone, we share things with words. We share poems. We share songs. We share our favorite books. Because if we can make enough language bridges between the two of us, our hearts and minds will begin to know each other better.” ~Martha Beck Cleaning out my desk recently, I ran across several folders stuffed with old greeting cards, notes, and letters from friends and family. There were Mother’s Day tributes from my son; letters of comfort sent after my mother died; anniversary cards and valentines from my husband; thank-you notes from old and new friends. Another file contained encouraging letters from readers of my early newspaper columns.…
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Receiving
“Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart.” ~Brene Brown A lot has been written about “the law of abundance,” which suggests that everything you give comes back to you somehow. In short, givers get more than takers. Frugality has its merits, but a generous spirit is rewarded with an abundant slice of life. Yet we don’t talk as much about receiving. This is where things can get tricky. For example, you might feel embarrassed if someone buys you an unexpected gift or does a great favor. You might stress over how to reciprocate. Or, worse yet, you might even take the…
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Competition
“Inside the Great Mystery that is, we don’t really own anything. So, what is this competition we feel then, before we walk, one at a time, through the same gate?” ~Rumi Lately I’ve been thinking about competition. Is competition rooted in sibling rivalry or is it simply human nature? Do we compete because we lack something, feel inferior, or need validation? Is competition necessary for our survival? Do trophies and awards really matter? Are we all driven to win or outshine others? Growing up an only child, I learned that many folks — often those from larger families — expected me to be “spoiled” and stingy and attention-seeking. And so,…
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Owning our mistakes
“Sorry doesn’t take things back, but it pushes things forward. It bridges the gap. Sorry is a sacrament. It’s an offering. A gift.” ~Craig Silvey Mistakes were made. Commentator William Saffire once described the phrase as “a passive-evasive way of acknowledging an error while distancing the speaker from responsibility for it.” In other words, “Mistakes were made” isn’t a real apology. As today’s quote reminds us, a real apology is an offering. An apology shows that you accept your responsibility for a mistake, which elevates you in the eyes of the person you’ve hurt. On the other hand, making excuses for your errors — or trying to justify them —…
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No regrets
“Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Fairly, and if possible, sincerely.” ~Haruki Murakami At dinner last night, a neighbor texted to tell me that the husband of a former neighbor had died suddenly. The man was only in his sixties, and his death was one of several losses in our neighborhood over the past year. We’re reminded, at times like these, to treat each other with care, sensitivity, and respect. And no matter how old we are, we can start by setting aside our pride (or grievances) and telling our loved ones how much they…
