Friendship and relationship advice
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Homecoming
“But when fall comes, kicking summer out on its treacherous ass as it always does one day sometime after the midpoint of September, it stays a while like an old friend you have missed. It settles in the way an old friend will settle into your favorite chair and take out his pipe and light it, and then fill the afternoon with stories of places he has been and things he has done since he last saw you.” ~Stephen King, Salem’s Lot Autumn was made for nostalgia. Last weekend, Doug and I hosted a party for several of our closest high school friends. The gathering was a homecoming of sorts,…
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The right balance
“Good relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort.” ~Mona Sutphen Friendship experts suggest that “imbalance” is often at the root of relationship trouble. If a relationship feels off, it helps to consider what could be out of balance. Am I talking more than listening? Do I take more than I give? Am I initiating social activities or just waiting for someone to call me? Do I compromise or insist on controlling things? We all have times when we fall short of being present in the ways people need us. Then again, sometimes we expect more than others are able to give us. All said and done,…
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Emerson’s golden rule
“As we are, so we do; and as we do, so is it done to us. We are the builders of our fortunes.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Emerson is one of my heroes. A champion of self-reliance, this American essayist and lecturer had little sympathy for those who blamed their problems on other people or outside circumstances. He was ordained as a Unitarian minister in Boston in 1829, so it’s not surprising to hear echoes of the Golden Rule in today’s quote. (“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” ~Matthew 7:12.) Emerson believed that personal responsibility is empowering. When we hold ourselves accountable for our…
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Living large
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine.” ~Marianne Williamson When I was a kid — before the Internet was born — I was told that it was rude to brag or boast in public. In those days, “nice people” stooped to avoid casting a shadow on others, and it was impolite to talk about yourself too much. When I earned good grades or won a contest, for instance, I learned to share the news ever-so-discreetly with the folks closest to me. Or I kept it to myself. Years…
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The gift of receiving
Excerpted from my book of published columns, Writing Home, this essay was first published in Chicken Soup for the Soul (Healthy Living Series) and reprinted in Catholic Digest, April 2007. It was also featured on Sirius Radio. THE GIFT OF RECEIVING A few years ago, when I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both hips, I read everything I could find about coping with chronic pain and illness. I was amazed at how often I’d stumble on a paragraph that advised patients to “look for the gift in your pain.” Pain is a gift? Thanks, but no thanks, I’d mutter to myself. I had just turned 44 and hadn’t planned on slowing…
