Civility and manners
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Point of view
“If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view — until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird The word “empathy” gets tossed around a lot these days, usually in reference to insensitive people who seem to lack it. Simply put, people without empathy view everything solely from their own perspective, putting their own needs and desires first. They hear only what they want to hear. They believe their personal opinions and biases are the universal…
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Black hole relationships
“Because we fear other people’s reactions and don’t know how to respond, we allow them to violate our limits and boundaries.” ~Sue Patton Thoele Is there a person at work or in your social circle who resents or dislikes you — despite your best attempts to be thoughtful and kind? Are you putting more into a one-sided friendship than you’re getting out of it? Do you ever wonder why some personalities fit together and others simply don’t click? If so, you might find some validation in my essay on “black hole relationships.” It’s excerpted from my essay collection, Writing Home, and is featured this week in Friendship Rules. Click here to…
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When “I’m sorry” isn’t enough
“If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.” ~ Robert Frost If you’ve ever offended a grudge-bearer, you know exactly how it feels to be unforgiven. The error you committed is chained forever to your ankle, and your relationship with the grudge-bearer is compromised, to say the least. Many years ago, I deeply disappointed a family member by forgetting to attend a Sunday dinner she’d invited my husband and me to attend. Stressed and way overbooked at the time, I had forgotten…
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How we see things
“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”~Anais Nin It’s easy to be blinded by our own perceptions or preferences, as French memoirist Anais Nin reminds us in today’s thought. Whenever I find myself offended, annoyed, or angered, I’m tempted to adopt the stance of self-righteousness. It’s my way or the highway, right? That’s when I absolutely need to stop and consider the reasons behind another person’s actions or opinions. And that’s when a little empathy comes in handy. Have I taken time to understand what that person might be going through at the time? Am I holding him or her to a standard that…
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How to be impeccable
“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz Gossip. Who hasn’t been guilty of spreading it at one time or another? Though we all know better, we might be tempted to share private information that we shouldn’t share. Whether that information is true or not isn’t the point. The point is: If it’s not our business, it isn’t ours to share with others. Before we speak — about anything — it helps to question our own…
