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The company we keep
“Tell me with whom you associate and I will tell you who you are.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe When I was a kid, my parents emphasized the value of choosing friends who were a positive influence — the ones who stayed out of trouble and earned good grades in school. My folks understood that our peers help shape who we become. With that in mind, they often repeated the adage, “Be careful with whom you associate, because you’re judged by the company you keep.” When we became parents, Doug and I made a point of getting to know our son’s school friends. We encouraged them to spend time in our…
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Can we talk?
“I once worked with someone who would only listen for about 15 seconds before interrupting — and then it was only to say something about himself….No matter how long we actually spoke, he just linked whatever you said back to himself and what he wanted to talk about. This effectively ended the conversation.” ~Jack Thomas, Good Conversations With the winter holidays in full swing, we’re attending or hosting more social gatherings than usual. This gives us more opportunities to enjoy real conversation and enrich our relationships. But according to several behavioral scientists, we’ve become so adept at connecting online (texting, emailing, etc.) that we’re actually losing our in-person communication skills.…
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How to manage holiday grief and loss
“The holiest of all holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart; the secret anniversaries of the heart.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow If you’re grieving a loss, holiday festivities can feel especially painful and challenging. Today I’m reposting a previously published feature story I wrote for The Sunday Oakland Press on how to manage holiday grief and loss. EMPTY CHAIRS AT CHRISTMAS, by Cindy La Ferle for The Sunday Oakland Press My mother died three months before Christmas eight years ago. Since my father had passed several years earlier, my first Christmas season without Mom left me feeling orphaned and unmoored. Regardless, I stuffed my sadness and dutifully managed…
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Magical thinking and rash assumptions
“If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that sometimes our assumptions and preconceived notions are wrong, and therefore, our interpretation of events is incorrect. This causes us to overreact, to take things personally, or to judge people unfairly.” ~Elizabeth Thornton, Scottish author of historical fiction As every great magician knows, audiences interpret everything they see and hear through the filter of their own experience and beliefs. Sometimes they see and hear only what they wish to see and hear. It’s sobering, really, when you consider how easily any situation could be misjudged or misunderstood — or taken personally. For instance, you might wonder if friends are angry…
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Help for the holidays
“One of the most important ways to reduce stress is to ask for help. This works not only during the holidays, but also all year ’round.” – Dr. Daisy Sutherland Lately I’ve been noticing more articles on the topic of why some folks secretly dread the holiday season — even though it’s supposed to be a time of comfort, joy, and celebration. Ironically, rates of depression typically rise between Thanksgiving and December 31st, with many people reporting feelings of sadness. For others, the holidays simply add another layer of stress and busy-ness. Some of us have trouble saying “no” when it comes to stuffing every moment in December with nonstop activity.…
