Friendship and relationship advice
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Life without Facebook
“The biggest problem is that Facebook and Google are these giant feedback loops that give people what they want to hear. And when you use them in a world where your biases are constantly confirmed, you become susceptible to fake news, propaganda, and demagoguery.” ~ Franklin Foer This year I’m celebrating eight years of Facebook sobriety. Once I quit, my emotional wellbeing, social life, family relationships, and productivity all improved. I started reading more, writing more, and enjoying the simple pleasures I had overlooked while I was scrolling for social media updates. Though I wrote this Oakland Press column a couple of years ago, its message still applies today —…
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Nobody wins the waiting game
“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh Someone I know often complains that she rarely hears from some of her old friends and relatives. They’ve stopped calling to invite her out for lunch and other social activities. She’s sure she hasn’t “done anything” to deserve this neglect. Why have these people gone dark on her? Well, she’s right about the part where she said she hasn’t done anything. When I asked if she ever reaches out to initiate activities or simply keep in touch, she admitted that she rarely does. She…
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Truth looks good on you
“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz Rumors and gossip and misinformation, oh my. Even though we know better, we might be tempted to share private information that we shouldn’t share. And even though we know better, we might spread misinformation without questioning the sources or researching the facts. Before you speak to someone or post anything on social media, it helps to question your own motives. What will you gain by spreading gossip or…
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Crossing the not-so-great divide
“Being nice to people you agree with can be a piece of cake, but if we’re only spending time around buddies who share our beliefs, we aren’t learning how to extend kindness and understanding to those who we don’t see eye to eye with. Practicing empathy across divides requires occasionally and willingly crossing those divides.” ~Rebekah Brandes, Nice News Last week I talked with another friend who’s on the verge of cutting ties with folks who don’t support her favored presidential candidate. If “the other candidate” wins, well, that’s the end of those relationships, she implied. Sadly, it’s not an uncommon conversation, given that we’re in the heat of the…
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Point of view
“If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view — until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird Folks who lack empathy view everything solely from their own perspective, putting their own needs and desires first. They hear only what they want to hear. They don’t seem to care if their actions are hurtful or offensive. They believe their personal opinions and biases are the universal truth — and can’t understand why others are often at…
