Friendship and relationship advice
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Sincerity
“Sincerity is an openness of heart. We find it in very few people. What we often see is only an artful pretense to win the confidence of others.” ~La Rochefoucauld, French philosopher There was a time when the phrase “I love you” was almost sacred. We saved it for rare and precious moments with lovers, spouses, our kids, and our closest friends. Today, “I love you” (or the Hollywood style, “Love you!”) is tossed around casually in text messages or shouted across parking lots and other public places — even to folks who haven’t fully earned our complete devotion. Love for humanity is a wonderful thing, and yes, sincere affection…
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Old friends
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst conducted a now-famous study on friendship. In particular, he investigated how the context in which we meet people shapes our social network. One of his conclusions: We naturally lose about half of our friends every seven years. Given our ever-changing circumstances — we move, change jobs, get married — it’s logistically impossible to remain close to every friend we’ve ever had. My dear friend Debbie and I touched on this topic yesterday. Deb and I met when we were both pregnant nearly 39 years ago, and our enduring friendship is wrapped in layers of shared memories and experiences. We’re also lucky enough to have kept a few…
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Deep listening
“How often do you offer your undivided attention to others? Do you inquire into how they’re doing, what’s happening in their world, or what they need to feel safe and happy? Or are you quick to talk about yourself and see how others might serve you?” ~John Amodeo, PhD One of the hallmarks of a great conversationalist is the ability to listen. Ideally, when someone asks what you’ve been up to lately, you hope they’ll pay attention to your answer and ask follow-up questions. Too often lately, most people seem eager to shut you up, derail your topic, and reroute the conversation back to themselves. How often have you walked…
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Self-love
“Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love.” ~Brene Brown Sociologist and best-selling author Brene Brown often reminds her readers that healthy relationships begin with self-love and self-respect. While it might sound counterintuitive, it makes perfect sense. When you feel loved, confident, and secure, you have a deep reservoir of love for others. When you come from a place of abundance, you have plenty to give. Healthy self-love shouldn’t be confused with egotism or self-absorption. Self-love is the ability to accept your own humanity (flaws and quirks included) with gratitude and humility. Self-love is a willingness to keeping growing while you support the growth of others. Meanwhile,…
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A Thanksgiving conversation primer
“Real conversation can’t happen if listening is just my waiting for you to finish talking.” ~Alan Alda Our social lives took a huge hit during the pandemic. We celebrated birthdays with drive-by parades, limited our holiday gatherings to small family bubbles, and even Zoomed memorial services. Now that our lives are back to near-normal, we look forward to gathering around our holiday tables with friends and family. We’re also rediscovering how to talk to each other after long periods of semi-isolation and social distancing. Not long after the pandemic eased, a friend confided that her social skills suddenly feel a bit “rusty” — especially when she meets new people at larger parties or work functions. No wonder.…
