Civility and manners
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Are you really listening?
“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. Some folks are always thinking about what they want to say next — and not really listening to others. I notice this often on talks shows and discussion panels, and I’ve experienced it myself in daily conversations. Listening is an unsung, unspoken skill — and we can learn from those who do it well. Attentive listeners silence their own egos. They don’t try to hijack or dominate a conversation, and they don’t try to “top” anything you’ve just said. They ask thoughtful follow-up questions after you’ve had your say,…
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Never assume
“If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that sometimes our assumptions and preconceived notions are wrong, and therefore, our interpretation of events is incorrect. This causes us to overreact, to take things personally, or to judge people unfairly.” ~Elizabeth Thornton, Scottish author of historical fiction Things aren’t always as they seem. As every great magician knows, audiences interpret everything they see and hear through the filter of their own experience and beliefs. Sometimes they see and hear only what they wish to see and hear. It’s sobering, really, when you consider how easily any situation could be misjudged or misunderstood — or taken personally. For instance, you…
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Receiving
“Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart.” ~Brene Brown A lot has been written about “the law of abundance,” which suggests that everything you give comes back to you somehow. In short, givers get more than takers. Frugality has its merits, but a generous spirit is rewarded with an abundant slice of life. Yet we don’t talk as much about receiving. This is where things can get tricky. For example, you might feel embarrassed if someone buys you an unexpected gift or does a great favor. You might stress over how to reciprocate. Or, worse yet, you might even take the…
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Are thank-you notes old-fashioned?
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward Several advice columnists have noted that a large percentage of their mail comes from baffled readers who are hurt or angry because they didn’t receive thank-you notes for their gifts. At the same time, other readers argue that it isn’t necessary to write thank-you notes now. One young bride said she didn’t have time to write thank-you notes for her wedding gifts because her life was “too busy.” Most etiquette experts agree that a handwritten note of appreciation is the right thing to do when you’ve received a gift, a special…
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Owning our mistakes
“Sorry doesn’t take things back, but it pushes things forward. It bridges the gap. Sorry is a sacrament. It’s an offering. A gift.” ~Craig Silvey Mistakes were made. Commentator William Saffire once described the phrase as “a passive-evasive way of acknowledging an error while distancing the speaker from responsibility for it.” In other words, “Mistakes were made” isn’t a real apology. As today’s quote reminds us, a real apology is an offering. An apology shows that you accept your responsibility for a mistake, which elevates you in the eyes of the person you’ve hurt. On the other hand, making excuses for your errors — or trying to justify them —…
