approval seeking
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Looking within or without?
“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” ~Anna Freud, psychoanalyst and daughter of Sigmund Freud The world of social media revolves around building our brand, getting “likes,” and attracting followers. In other words, it’s fueled on the concept of earning validation and applause from the outside. Or, look at it this way: Nobody uses a social media platform without hoping to attract or amuse an audience, even a small one. It’s not a solo activity. As any psychiatrist would tell us, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that. We can keep social media in a healthy perspective…
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Find your own shoe
“The shoe that fits one person pinches another. There is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” ~Carl Jung, psychiatrist and author There’s something called the theory of social comparison, which suggests that comparing and contrasting ourselves to our peers is key to our identity. Social comparison helps us form or solidify our values, preferences, and feelings of self-worth. If our friends or favorite celebrities are wearing a particular style, for instance, we’re likely to mimic or mirror it — whether we genuinely like it or not. This explains, in part, the hilarious trend of spending top dollar for ripped jeans and painful footwear. Things get more complicated when…
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Gold stars
“Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to give myself a gold star for being ordinary, and maybe one of these days I’ll give myself a gold star for being extraordinary — for persisting. And maybe one day I won’t need to have a star at all.” ~Sue Bender, Plain and Simple In our early grade school years, teachers rewarded our best efforts with gold star-shaped stickers. Remember the delicious rush of achievement you felt every time your test came back with a bright gold star at the top? Even when we’re old enough to judge the quality of our own work, some of us still need validation or…
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Get comfortable
‘People aren’t longing to be impressed. They’re longing to feel like they’re home. If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they’ll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how old.” ~Shauna Niequist, quoted in Bella Grace Some of us spend way too much time trying to make things perfect — especially when we’re getting ready to entertain. Others have been brainwashed into thinking that a living room should look like it was styled by a magazine editor in order to be worthy of visitors — and avoid sharing their homes because…
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Identity crisis?
“The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.” ~Rita Mae Brown When I was in my teens, everyone in high school worked hard to fit in with her peer group. Even the non-conformists dressed like the other non-conformists. One of the gifts of aging is discovering that you finally feel comfortable in your own skin. You stop caring whether or not your clothing (or anything else you own) is on trend. You stop trying to impress others and start making choices that reflect your own taste and character. In short, you worry less about what other people think of you — because you realize that most people…
