approval seeking
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Courage, kindness, and lawn signs
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~Rumi Last month, I retrieved a nonpartisan lawn sign from my garage and placed it near the side entrance of our home. The sign, shown above, simply encourages us to “BE KIND” — a gentle piece of advice we could all use during a terribly divisive election season. But until last week, I swore I wasn’t going to display a sign for a presidential candidate on my lawn this year. I had dozens of reasonable excuses for that decision, starting with the fact that I didn’t want to offend my neighbors with opposing viewpoints. I…
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Whose approval do you need?
“I must work harder to achieve my goal of not seeking approval from those whose approval I’m not even sure is important to me.” ~Lauren Graham, American actress These days, people go to incredible lengths to get attention from virtual strangers on social media. There’s nothing wrong with sharing our gifts or viewpoints with a wider audience. But once in a while, it’s healthy to step back and take a closer look at our motivation for doing so. Whose approval or attention are we seeking — and why is it important? ~CL
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Putting yourself last?
“Sometimes you have to put your own needs first, even if that doesn’t please others. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” ~Shannon Olson When I was younger, I often placed the wants and wishes of others before my own — even in matters as simple as choosing where to go out for dinner. Like other women I knew, I allowed myself to remain stuck in second place. Everyone else, it seemed, had greater needs, better ideas, or bigger problems to solve than I had. Even if someone gave me “permission” to put myself first, I felt guilty when I did so. Thankfully,…
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Looking within or without?
“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” ~Anna Freud, psychoanalyst and daughter of Sigmund Freud The world of social media revolves around building a brand and attracting followers. It’s not a solo actvity. Few people I know use social media platforms without hoping to attract, entertain, inform, or provoke an audience, even if it’s just a small one. Without question, it’s fueled by the reward of earning “likes,” validation, and constant attention. As any psychiatrist would tell us, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that — especially if we’re using social media to build community in positive…
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So, the dog ate your homework?
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Dr. Robert Anthony, Beyond Positive Thinking Excuses, excuses. It wasn’t my fault …. It was the wine talking …. I came from a dysfunctional family …. Someone gave me bad advice …. The dog ate my homework. When we make a mess of things or miss the mark, it’s tempting to reach for an easy excuse. We might try to save face by placing the blame on someone or something else — even when we know that we’re responsible for our own mistakes. In today’s quote, psychologist Robert Anthony shines a light on the blame game. He reminds us…
