Getting personal: An essay workshop
Posted on May 8, 2008
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“Why does anybody tell a story? We share our stories because we have faith — faith that the universe has meaning, that our little lives are not irrelevant.” — Madeleine L’Engle
GETTING PERSONAL, my lecture on writing and marketing personal essays, will be held Tuesday, May 20, 7:00-8:30 pm, at the Royal Oak Public Library. Personal essays look deceptively simple — but they require craft, editing skills, and sincere attention to detail. In this lecture, I’ll cover the importance of finding universal heart in our personal stories. Drawing from examples in my published essay collection, Writing Home, I’ll talk about finding the right markets for essays, how to “recycle” old material, and how to pitch your pieces to the right editors. A book sale and signing for Writing Home will follow the lecture. The event is free, but advance registration is required. This event is offered through the Royal Oak Public Library’s WRITER-IN-RESIDENCE series. New writers are welcome! To register and get directions, please phone Rosemary Mirsky: 248-246-3700. –CL
Women of an uncertain age
Posted on May 6, 2008
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My girlfriends and I have been rehashing the weary topic of aging gracefully versus aging desperately. Even in the women’s magazines geared to our demographic, “mature” fashion models appear to be surgically altered or Botoxed, then dressed to look 35. The message? Aging is shameful. To be avoided at all costs. She who looks youngest wins ….
There’s even a new book out to lead us on this vengeful anti-aging crusade, and the title alone — How Not to Look Old – makes me wince. It also makes me angry, because I believe women can look fabulous and “older” at the same time. 
I keep hoping someone will write a book that celebrates real maturity, and doesn’t imply that we’re in some frantic competition with our daughters, or our son’s girlfriends. Like everyone else, I want to look as good (and healthy) as I can, but I have no burning desire to revisit my youth. I don’t miss the insecurities or the silly short skirts or the go-go boots. I’m not afraid to look like a grown-up.
It would help if we had a few more role models like Helen Mirren, Sally Field, and Lauren Hutton — elegant, self-assured women who are comfortable in their changing skin. Women who aren’t afraid to show us how beautiful maturity can be.
Maybe’s there’s hope … In the May issue of Ladies Home Journal, for instance, Sally Field discusses her decision to avoid plastic surgery and how that impacts her acting career. And in the May/June issue of AARP The Magazine, Jamie Lee Curtis speaks frankly about her pending 50th birthday, touching on what’s truly important to her and reflecting on things she would or wouldn’t change in her life.
“I want to be older,” Curtis tells AARP. “I actually think there’s an incredible amount of self-knowledge that comes with getting older. I feel way better now than I did when I was 20. I’m stronger, I’m smarter in every way, I’m so much less crazy than I was then.” Curtis is blazing new trails for baby boomer women, and I hope we hear more from her and about her.
Meanwhile, I’m count myself lucky to have several women friends who are at least 10 years older than I am. They’re terrific role models, too, though it’s not likely the media will ever discover them. I often ask for their advice, and hope to learn from their hard-earned wisdom. Now past their childrearing years, these women are finding new ways to share their gifts with the community or in their various professions. And they look gorgeous, just as they are.
Not long ago, in fact, a very stylish friend in her seventies reminded me that reaching maturity doesn’t have to be synonymous with looking foolish or frumpy. She hasn’t had a stitch of cosmetic surgery. Her secret? Well, it’s really hard to explain. It goes beyond her flair with offbeat accessories. She always aims to be her best self, a true original, and never an imitation of someone else. I admire her savoir-faire — and can only aspire to be half as cool as she is. — Cindy La Ferle
Mudhead
Posted on May 5, 2008
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“Laughter is carbonated holiness” — Anne Lamott, Plan B
People who lack a sense of humor top my list of pet peeves, right up there with cranky editors and shoes that hurt. This is why I keep a small statue of Mudhead near my computer monitor. Other friends display guardian angels, or religious icons of Mary or Jesus or the Buddha on their desks. Me, I’ve got Mudhead. Let me explain.
I found Mudhead on vacation one summer at a Native American art gallery in Wisconsin. Though I don’t collect kachina dolls, this little guy had to come home in my suitcase. According to Hopi legend, Mudhead is the clown of ceremonial dances. His duty as a cosmic trickster is to amuse the audience during pauses in sacred rituals. Leaping around the circle, Mudhead reminds the big chiefs that a higher power is in control and they need to lighten up. He is both ridiculous and humbling – and essential to the dance.
Covered head to toe in feathers and fringe, my own little Mudhead serves as a reminder to stop taking myself (and life) so seriously. And I need to be reminded often. Whenever I read or watch too much “news,” for instance, I’m convinced that everyone in the world is hopeless or depraved, and that my son’s generation will suffer the consequences. From incurable diseases to random violence, there’s never a shortage of horrific fodder to fuel my worries and make me think twice before leaving the house. Then again, sometimes I feel inexplicably guilty when I do relax and enjoy myself.
But a friend with a better attitude (and a wacky sense of humor) likes to remind me that not having fun –especially during tough times — shows a serious lack of faith. She points out that the word “silly” has roots in the Greek term “selig”, which means “blessed.” In other words, it’s probably not a stretch to say that good humor has a spark of the divine.
Political commentator H. L. Mencken loosely defined Puritanism as “the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be having a good time.” Mudhead would agree. – Cindy La Ferle
Tree hugger
Posted on May 2, 2008
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“Earth’s crammed with heaven.” — Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Trees add so much more than shade and property value to our homes. Last month, on the boulevard across the street, a trio of Bradford pear trees burst into snowy bloom. Surrounded by smaller stands of lilac, the pear trees are the first to flower. I look forward to their annual display in late April, and am always relieved when I return from spring vacation to see I haven’t missed it. While it might not seem like such a big deal to anyone else, I’m proud of this contribution to my neighborhood landscape.
My little grove began with a single tree, which I ordered from the City of Royal Oak (rightfully dubbed “The City of Trees”) right after we moved to our present home. In subsequent years I added two more Bradford pears. Today, everyone in our immediate family is represented by a flowering tree. Like the three of us, each tree has filled out over the past 16 years — a natural reminder of how quickly we’re all changing. Our son Nate was in kindergarten when the first spindly tree was planted, and in two weeks he’ll receive his diploma from the University of Notre Dame. At summer’s end, he’ll pack up and move to Chicago, where he’ll begin his new career.
Come fall, the foliage on our pear trees will turn bright orange, then crimson. And just as I do every year, I’ll admire this brilliant color show from our dining room window and console myself with the fact that everything, including the landscape, is evolving right on schedule.
Citing a study conducted by the University of Illinois, Maria Rodale, Chairman of the Board of Rodale Press, noted that people who live near trees have stronger family ties than those who live in treeless areas. “Trees create a sanctuary around us,” Rodale said. “They certainly make us feel grounded and safe.” –CL
A beautiful book for dads
Posted on April 30, 2008
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Maybe it’s a bit early to think about Father’s Day, but why wait until June to celebrate the most important men in our lives?James di Properzio and Jennifer Margulis have given every new father a wonderful present. The Baby Bonding Book for Dads (Willow Creek Press; $15.95) contains 20 short essays covering everything a first-time dad needs to know, from the importance of skin-to-skin contact (including “baby wrestling”) to the lifelong benefits of reading aloud. This is a handbook after my own heart, emphasizing the ordinary moments and sweet epiphanies of daily parenthood.
Margulis and di Properzio are married and have three kids of their own — which partly explains why their affection for children shines through every essay in the book. “Bonding with a baby or small child is about the small moments that you spend together, looking at each other, talking, taking walks. It’s not something that happens instantly,” they explain in the book’s preface. While the text is instructive, it’s also entertaining and accessible — and can be read between naps. Illustrating the text, Christopher Briscoe’s beautiful black-and-white photos of adorable babies and handsome dads will surely melt your heart. Few books are available on this topic, so this is a welcome addition to your parenting library, and an absolutely perfect gift for new dads and fathers-to-be, anytime. – CL
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