relationships
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Confiding
“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely.” ~Dinah Craik, British novelist It’s always wise to weigh our words carefully before we speak. We don’t want to spread harmful gossip. We don’t want hurt or offend anyone. And given today’s volatile political climate, most of us wisely avoid discussing hot-button topics when we’re unsure of someone else’s viewpoints. That said, I was thinking recently about the gift of knowing a few trusted friends with whom I can speak freely about any topic. When…
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There’s a word for it
“When we love someone, we share things with words. We share poems. We share songs. We share our favorite books. Because if we can make enough language bridges between the two of us, our hearts and minds will begin to know each other better.” ~Martha Beck Cleaning out my desk last week, I ran across several folders stuffed with old greeting cards, notes, and letters. Some were from friends and family. There were Mother’s Day tributes from my son, letters of comfort sent after my mother died, Valentines from my husband, thank-you notes from friends. Another file contained encouraging letters from readers of my early newspaper columns — some typed,…
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Boundaries
“We live in a time when people have unprecedented access to us. Bosses and coworkers expect you to read emails and DMs late at night, friends and family go into long rants over the phone or texts and expect instant feedback. Sometimes we have to say, ‘I don’t have the capacity to hold you right now because I’m trying to hold myself.'” ~Melanie Santos Stone walls, fences, and guard rails are essential boundaries: They protect our property or keep us from falling over the edge. At the same time, psychological boundaries helps us guard our time and privacy. As today’s quote reminds us, once the Internet took possession of our…
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Anniversary musings
“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche Last month, Doug and I celebrated our 42nd anniversary. During a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant, our server asked us if we’d share the secrets of a long and happy partnership. She was living with her boyfriend, she said, and wasn’t sure about their future together. Doug and I assured her that the success of a marriage depends on the couple — and every couple is different, of course. For us, shared values and interests are essential,…
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The right balance
“Good relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort.” ~Mona Sutphen I once read an article by a therapist who suggested that “imbalance” is often at the root of relationship trouble. When any relationship feels off, the therapist advised, it helps to do a reality check and consider what could be out of balance. Am I talking more than listening? Am I taking more than giving? Am I initiating social activities or just waiting for someone to call me? Understandably, we all have times when we fall short of being present in the ways people need us. Then again, sometimes we expect more than someone can give…
