relationships
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There’s a word for it
“When we love someone, we share things with words. We share poems. We share songs. We share our favorite books. Because if we can make enough language bridges between the two of us, our hearts and minds will begin to know each other better.” ~Martha Beck Cleaning out my desk recently, I ran across several folders stuffed with old greeting cards, notes, and letters from friends and family. There were Mother’s Day tributes from my son; letters of comfort sent after my mother died; anniversary cards and valentines from my husband; thank-you notes from old and new friends. Another file contained encouraging letters from readers of my early newspaper columns.…
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Boundaries
“We live in a time when people have unprecedented access to us. Bosses and coworkers expect you to read emails and DMs late at night, friends and family go into long rants over the phone or texts and expect instant feedback. Sometimes we have to say, ‘I don’t have the capacity to hold you right now because I’m trying to hold myself.'” ~Melanie Santos Stone walls, fences, and guard rails define our limits and announce our boundaries. They protect our property or keep us from falling over the edge. Along these lines, emotional boundaries helps us guard our time and privacy. While the internet serves as an invaluable communication tool,…
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Forgiveness
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” ~Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre Responding to a recent “Life Lines” post about kicking our bad habits, a subscriber confided that giving up grudges tops her list of resolutions this year. We agreed that forgiveness is essential to our wellbeing — but not so easy to put into practice. Speaking for myself, I find it difficult to let go of righteous anger and resentment. But I’m trying. Everyone struggles with grudges, emotional wounds, and petty grievances. Yet we do so at great cost to our own health and wellbeing. As Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies, “Not…
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Make a note of it
“In this era of email and voice mail and all those things that I didn’t grow up with, a plain old paper letter takes on amazing intimacy.” ~Elizabeth Kostova Yesterday I found a hand-written thank you note in my mail slot, delivered by the husband of a neighbor who’s still recovering from joint-replacement surgery. I had dropped off a container of chili at their home a week earlier, knowing how hard it is to cook meals when you’re barely able to walk. This dear neighbor had extended the same kindness to me when I was recovering — and I certainly didn’t expect her to write a thank you note. Nonetheless,…
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Anniversary musings
“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche Last month, Doug and I celebrated our 42nd anniversary. During a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant, our server asked us if we’d share the secrets of a long and happy partnership. She was living with her boyfriend, she said, and wasn’t sure about their future together. Doug and I assured her that the success of a marriage depends on the couple — and every couple is different, of course. For us, shared values and interests are essential,…
