Friendship and relationship advice
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Black hole relationships
“Because we fear other people’s reactions and don’t know how to respond, we allow them to violate our limits and boundaries.” ~Sue Patton Thoele Is there a person at work or in your social circle who resents or dislikes you — despite your best attempts to be thoughtful and kind? Are you putting more into a one-sided friendship than you’re getting out of it? Do you ever wonder why some personalities fit together and others simply don’t click? If so, you might find some validation in my essay on “black hole relationships.” It’s excerpted from my essay collection, Writing Home, and is featured this week in Friendship Rules. Click here to…
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Make a note of it
“In this era of email and voice mail and all those things that I didn’t grow up with, a plain old paper letter takes on amazing intimacy.” ~Elizabeth Kostova Yesterday I found a hand-written thank you note in my mail slot, delivered by the husband of a neighbor who’s still recovering from joint-replacement surgery. I had dropped off a container of chili at their home a week earlier, knowing how hard it is to cook meals when you’re barely able to walk. This dear neighbor had extended the same kindness to me when I was recovering — and I certainly didn’t expect her to write a thank you note. Nonetheless,…
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How Karma works
“We awaken in others the same attitude of mind we hold toward them.” ~Elbert Hubbard We’ve all met people we don’t like. Sometimes our dislike stems from a series of hurtful, negative experiences. And other times it simply boils down to bad chemistry or a personality clash. In any event, people usually “sense” when we don’t care for them — even when we try to pretend otherwise. Not surprisingly, those feelings are reciprocated, and the distance between us grows. On the other hand, if we have positive, loving feelings toward someone, they’ll feel the love too. Consider the folks whose affection for you is enthusiastic and unconditional — the ones…
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The new rules of friendship
“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.” “You have been my friend,” replied Charlotte. “That in itself is a tremendous thing.” ~E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web While researching the topic of friendship for an article several years ago, I discovered the work of Irene S. Levine, PhD, the popular psychologist and author known as the Friendship Doctor. Soon after, Irene became my go-to expert when I needed quotes and tips for relationship articles or columns. She also became a treasured and supportive friend. Today, nearly every time I thumb through a national magazine, I see Irene quoted in…
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Listening is a healing art
“People start to heal the moment they feel heard.” ~Cheryl Richardson I felt totally unmoored when my primary care physician announced his retirement last year. For more than 25 years, Dr. Paul managed my healthcare and provided first-rate referrals to the specialists I needed, including the orthopedic surgeon who replaced both of my hips. Most of all, my good doctor listened with care. He took my concerns seriously. Luckily, my new primary care doctor is a compassionate listener too. Though I’m new to her practice, I’m pleased with the relationship we’re building. Likewise, I appreciate those rare friends and family members who listen deeply. As Cheryl Richardson suggests in today’s quote,…
