Friendship and relationship advice
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Why life is better without Facebook
“The biggest problem is that Facebook and Google are these giant feedback loops that give people what they want to hear. And when you use them in a world where your biases are constantly confirmed, you become susceptible to fake news, propaganda, and demagoguery.” ~ Franklin Foer This year I’m celebrating nine happy years of Facebook sobriety. Once I quit, my emotional wellbeing, social life, family relationships, and productivity all improved. I started reading more, writing more, spending more time with friends and neighbors, and enjoying the simple pleasures I had overlooked while I was scrolling for social media updates. Though I wrote this Oakland Press column a couple of…
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Luminosity
“Look carefully around you and recognize the luminosity of souls. Sit beside those who draw you to that.” ~Rumi Other people’s moods and opinions are as contagious as the common cold. In fact, there’s a clinical study suggesting that we become like the five people with whom we spend most of our time. According to this theory, if your spouse and peer group are serial pessimists and complainers, you might be one too. It’s also likely that you share the same political views. Psychological studies aside, I’m always drawn to folks who spread their sunshine and draw me out of the shadows when I’m down. In his best-selling book, How…
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Meaningful gifts
“Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others.” ~Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart My nesting instincts kick in when summer winds down and the new school year begins. I’m motivated to move furniture, declutter my closets, and donate books to the library. Though it sounds like work, early fall cleaning makes me appreciate the changing season as well as the treasures in my home. The salt-glaze pottery shown in today’s photo is one example. It was a gift from my college pal, Libby, who moved to Virginia after…
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“You look marvelous!”
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” ~Mark Twain There’s science to prove that flattery will get you everywhere. As reported in Medical Economics, researchers confirmed that people respond positively to flattery, even when they know the flatterer has an ulterior motive. Better yet, compliments can motivate us. When a supervisor praises our efforts at work, for instance, statistics show we’re likely to experience higher job satisfaction and stay in the position longer. In social situations, we’re also inclined to think positive thoughts about people who tell us we look nice or admire something we’ve done. Paying a sincere compliment is an act of generosity and it…
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The art of the apology
“Apologies require taking full responsibility. No half-truths, no partial admissions, no excuses, no rationalizations, no finger pointing, and no justifications belong in any apology.” ~Cathy Burnham Martin I admire people who know how to apologize. Admitting an error takes courage, and is never a sign of weakness. It might feel easier to kick your mistakes under the rug and act as if they never happened. Or blame someone else. Or make excuses. But refusing to admit you screwed up comes across as arrogant or uncaring — and it makes you look small. Worse yet, failure to apologize can damage a relationship beyond repair. Apologizing requires maturity and humility. If you…
