approval seeking
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Whose life?
“Whose life are you really living, yours or the one somebody prefers for you?” ~Vanita Oelschlager, Write with Me By the time we reach middle age, we’ve established our own preferences and routines. We’ve made some difficult choices; traveled a few paths. And we’d like to believe we’re original thinkers who’ve crafted our own opinions as well as our own unique style. In reality, each of us is a combination of influences — parents, siblings, partners, relatives, teachers, priests or preachers, peers, educational history, and popular culture. Which partly explains why we’re attracted to some things and repelled by others. Who and what are your strongest influences? Which ones inspire…
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Find your own shoe
“The shoe that fits one person pinches another. There is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” ~Carl Jung, psychiatrist and author There’s something called the theory of social comparison, which suggests that comparing and contrasting ourselves to our peers is key to our identity. Social comparison helps us form or solidify our values, preferences, and feelings of self-worth. If our friends or favorite celebrities are wearing a particular style, for instance, we’re likely to mimic or mirror it — whether we genuinely like it or not. This explains, in part, the dubious trend of spending top dollar for ripped jeans and painful footwear. Things get even more complicated…
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You be you
“Forget popularity; focus on sincerity. Do what you do, not for applause, but because it is what is right for you. Practice respecting yourself and becoming a reliable part of your own support system.” ~Angel Chernoff, Marc and Angel Hack Life The word “popularity” still sends me back down Memory Lane to junior high school. And today’s quote from Marc and Angel got me thinking about the difference between sincerity and popularity. When we focus on being popular, we value the number of friends we have rather than the quality of their character, or their compatibility. Likewise, when we try to stay “on trend” with our creative projects, we risk lowering the quality…
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Asserting vs bullying
“The practice of assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating people with respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways, in appropriate contexts.” ~ Nathaniel Branden, psychologist While most of us understand the concept, “assertiveness” isn’t always easy to practice. For some of us, being assertive can feel uncomfortable — even when it means standing up for ourselves or asking for what we deserve. On the other hand, sometimes we allow others to bully us or take advantage of our generosity.…
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Your own footsteps
“It’s not your job to curb or contain yourself in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. You are amazingly worthwhile and capable right now. Not because other people think you are, but because you are in full control of the next step you take.” ~Marc and Angel Chernoff When I was in college, a couple of my professors and an advisor suggested law school after graduation. Becoming a lawyer was a more dependable and lucrative path for my writing and communication skills, they said. Or at least it was more lucrative than working as a journalist or freelance writer. But practicing law wasn’t my career…
