Redefining “family”

“Family was a bigger word than I imagined, wide and without limitations, if you allowed it, defying easy definition. You had family that was supposed to be family and wasn’t, family that wasn’t family but was….It was possible to lack whole, honest love and connection from family in lead roles, yet to be filled to abundance by the unexpected supporting players.” ~Deb Colette, The Secret Life of Prince Charming

The holiday season begins soon, shining a bright light on our family relationships. Sometimes that’s a beautiful thing, and sometimes it’s … complicated. (In another post, I’ve shared a column about coping with the loss of loved ones during the holidays.)

Culturally and personally, the holidays carry an emotional load of expectations twice as heavy as Santa’s pack. Relatives we don’t see as often, know as well, or enjoy as much as our closest friends are invited to join us at our Thanksgiving and Christmas tables. In reality, few of us can replicate the cliched Norman Rockwell family holiday — which might leave us with the bitter taste of disappointment.

In a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, 38% of the respondents said their stress and anxiety increased or doubled during the Christmas season. Why? The reasons included “lack of time, financial pressure, and gift-giving” — but the list was topped by “family gatherings.”

Today’s quote suggests we redefine “family” to include “supporting players” who aren’t related to us, but have earned our love. That’s something to celebrate, too. ~CL

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