Cindy on November 22nd, 2009
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” ~Epictetus
I’m grateful for so much this year. I’m grateful that my family and friends have survived the economic recession, even though some of us have lost jobs, clients, assignments, or enthusiasm. We still have each other. I’m grateful for having enough of everything I need — and for having an abundance of love in my life. But topping my gratitude list right now is the happy thought of my son flying in from Chicago to visit us for the Thanksgiving holiday. He was able to schedule some extra vacation time, so he’ll be here through next weekend.
So I won’t be posting as often this week, here or on Facebook. An essay I posted last month touches on the topic of grown children coming home to visit for the holidays — and the importance of counting our everyday blessings. If you missed it earlier, please click here to read it.
Heartfelt thanks go out to all of you who stop here regularly, leave your comments, and share your own blogs and writings with me. I also want to send a special shout-out to Deb of Talk at the Table, for surprising me this week with one of the loveliest reviews of Writing Home I’ve ever received. While I often write about the fact that the Internet is a cornucopia of mixed or dubious blessings, it has introduced me to many wonderful new friends. I am so thankful for that. — CL
Cindy on January 12th, 2009
“I take rejection as someone blowing in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” — Sylvester Stallone
This week I’m filling out entry forms and taking photos of my work for an art competition. I’m new at submitting my artwork to gallery competitions — and nervous about subjecting myself to a brand-new form of rejection. Here’s a column I wrote a few years ago about learning to deal with rejection as a writer. . . .
The Slings and Arrows of Rejection
I meet them every time I attend a cocktail party or a business function. They’re the stressed-out professionals who’d love to quit their jobs and try “something more fun.” Most of them want to get published. I was cornered by one of these aspiring authors at a seminar last month. A colleague of my husband’s, the man works as a designer for a high-profile architecture firm, but he really wants to be recognized for his byline.
The colleague said he wrote essays occasionally. He had experienced the fleeting thrill of seeing a couple of his pieces in the local paper — âa real high,â as he put it. He wanted to publish more often in Sunday newspaper magazines, and he wanted to earn some money for his writing. But after receiving several rejection slips, he was ready to give up.
“How do you handle the rejection?” he asked. “I just hate rejection.â
“Well, I deal with it the same way architects do when their designs get shot down,” I told him.
“Oh, no,” he said. “That’s not as personal.”
Rejection and its evil twin, Criticism, are part and parcel of the writing life. I don’t care much for either of them, yet both keep in touch with me periodically. And while it’s true that rejection letters can sting for a few days, eventually you get used to them. You learn to accept that you can’t hit the editorial bull’s-eye every time.
A fellow writer once offered this consolation, and I believe she’s right: If you’re not getting rejection letters, you’re not aiming high enough or sending out enough material. You have to toughen up, get busy, and hold your breath every time you open the mailbox. And you must start the process all over again.
As I reminded the guy from the architecture firm, “personal” rejection is hardly the sole province of publishing. Anything you dearly hope to achieve, including love itself, holds the possibility of loss. That said, I’ll admit that the very word “rejection” dissolves bone marrow and turns warm blood to ice water. On a really bad day, it can make even the most aggressive self-promoter drop her best ideas and run home.
That’s why I often share a favorite story about Madeleine L’Engle, whose award-winning children’s book, A Wrinkle in Time, was rejected by more than forty publishers before it finally went to press. “Every rejection slip was like the rejection of me, myself,” L’Engle wrote. But she believed in her book, believed in its power to inspire children, and absolutely refused to let it die. Today it remains a beloved best-seller for young people.
It also helps to remember that the craft of writing offers second and third chances. As Frank Lloyd Wright said, “A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.” Thankfully, redemption is so much easier for writers. We can reorganize, revise, revamp, and send our stuff out into the world again.
But the real secret to coping with rejection â aside from keeping faith in your own abilities — is to enjoy the process, the work itself. You have to fall in love with words and take pleasure in the way you string them together. And it’s essential to remember that publishing, as novelist Anne Lamott once said, is an addictive drug. Your last hit will never feel like enough.
Still, the small victories are sweet. Not long ago, one of my favorite pieces was rejected by a regional magazine. Several postage stamps later, it was accepted by a national publication for more money than I’d expected — and I hadn’t changed a word. That doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, of course. Just often enough to fuel my hopes and make my work more fun than architecture. – Cindy La Ferle
*This piece was first published in The Daily Tribune, Royal Oak, MI, then in my book, Writing Home. Last year it was excerpted in Sixty Candles: Reflections on the Writing Life, published by the American Society of Journalists and Authors.
Cindy on December 27th, 2008
“If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as work.” — William Shakespeare.
I love the small breathing space between Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve. As much as I enjoy shopping and cooking for family and dear friends, I also appreciate the chance to steal some quiet time to reflect on the past year. I’ll be back to share some thoughts for the new year in a couple of days.
P.S. A big thank you to everyone who purchased Writing Home as a holiday gift this year! Earlier this week, the book was sold out again on Amazon. From the proceeds I wrote a check to the Welcome Inn warming shelter hosted at the Unity church here in Royal Oak, and another to the Salvation Army. –CL
Cindy on April 24th, 2008
Visiting beautiful downtown Traverse City this week, I was happy to discover that Writing Home, my collection of essays on home and family life, is now available at Horizon Books, my favorite independent bookstore in northern Michigan. For a brief lapse last year, Writing Home was only available online, but is now being distributed to bookstores by Wayne State University Press. Writing Home has been in print for nearly three years, so I’m especially pleased that it’s enjoying a long “shelf life.” It’s also available at most Borders and Barnes and Noble locations, or can be special ordered. Proceeds from the sales of new copies are donated at holiday time to homeless shelters in Oakland County. — CL
Cindy on December 11th, 2007
For the past two years, I’ve been donating proceeds from sales of my essay collection, Writing Home, to charities serving the homeless in my community. Writing Home, after all, is a celebration of home, community, and life’s simple pleasures. It makes me happy to know that my book sales can help someone who doesn’t have these advantages — especially in Michigan’s current economic slump. So far, I’ve donated more than $500 to Welcome Inn and South Oakland Shelter, both serving the homeless in Oakland County, Mi.
Please consider Writing Home for the reader on your holiday gift list this year. And remember: your Amazon.com purchase of new copies (not used) of Writing Home will benefit organizations serving the homeless in Oakland County. It’s all about home! – CL
