Recovering perfectionist

Posted on February 6, 2016
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DSCN9127“Perfectionism is the enemy of the people,” wrote Anne Lamott. “It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”

Are you a perfectionist or a control freak? If so, you’ll relate to my new column in the February issue of Michigan Prime, delivered this weekend with your Sunday Detroit News and Free Press. Click here and flip to page three to read it.

How to write a memoir

Posted on January 28, 2016
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This article was originally published in Michigan Prime, in November 2015.

Your memoir may be the most valuable treasure you leave for your loved ones. Here’s how to get started…

IMG_0384I’ll never forget a certain elderly gentleman who showed up at one of the first memoir writing classes I taught at a local senior center, many years ago.

Under each arm he carried a large grocery bag stuffed with old letters, sepia-toned photos and leather-bound journals. When it was his turn to introduce himself to the class, he announced that he hoped to turn the contents of the grocery bags into a “national bestseller.” Then he turned to me and asked if I would look through all the materials and “ghost-write” his memoir. (As I discovered in subsequent workshops, this kind of request wasn’t at all unusual. I had to learn to say “no” as gently as possible.)

For starters, I explained that I wasn’t a biographer – and that nobody else can write our memoirs for us. And I wasn’t in the business of editing or ghostwriting. But I promised to help guide him through the process during our time together in the class.

Written by heart — in our own words — our memoirs probably won’t top the bestseller lists. But they could be the most valuable legacies we bequeath to our loved ones. Luckily, the gentleman with the grocery bags had saved plenty of evidence of a life richly lived. All he needed was the time and the discipline to spin it into a readable story.

Memoir defined

Whether your goal is to pen a book-length memoir or a few personal essays, it’s essential to understand the difference between autobiography and memoir.

“Memoir isn’t the summary of a life, it’s a window into a life, very much like a photograph is selective in its composition,” William Zinsser explains in On Writing Well: An Informal Guide to Writing Nonfiction (Harper Perennial).

In other words, your autobiography would document your entire life, starting with, say, your first memory of nursery school and chronicling events up to the present. A memoir, on the other hand, would focus tightly on a peak experience or turning point, starting with, say, the brittle November afternoon your father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, or the day you quit your office job to work at a rodeo.

Mining your buried treasure

Like the man with the grocery bags brimming with souvenirs, most new memoirists are overwhelmed by the thought of choosing which stories to share – or where to begin. The following tips usually subdue their fears and help plow through writers’ block at various points along the way.

  1. Silence your inner critic and write freely. Your first order of business is to get words on paper or on the computer. Worry about editing and packaging the final product after you’ve written a first draft. (See #8.)
  2. Take small bites. Start with a series of short personal essays, each on a different experience. Gathered together, these could be expanded as chapters in your book.
  3. Be a family archaeologist. Unearth old memories while exploring keepsakes and heirlooms. Choose one item, then write about how you acquired it and what it means to you.
  4. Get cooking. Use a family recipe as a prompt and write the memories it stirs. My Scottish grandmother’s shortbread recipe, for instance, is redolent of her old-country proverbs and family gatherings.
  5. Brush up your interview skills. Talk with elders in your family, asking them to share anything from a favorite love song to war stories.
  6. Use sensory detail and proper names. Turn to family photo albums if you need visual reminders of former homes, cars, and clothing styles.
  7. Avoid aimless rambling, no matter how poetic. Your memoir will be more engaging if it imparts wisdom or a life lesson. Let your stories reveal who you are.
  8. Read published memoirs; observe how other writers craft their work. Ask your librarian for recommendations.
  9. Polish your gems. Proofread your final draft to catch errors of fact, spelling or grammar. Show your work to friends or family members if you’re worried about getting stories straight.

The ultimate reward

Once you’ve committed a few memories to the page, you’re entitled to feel proud of your accomplishment. Keep writing.

As memoirist Mary Karr notes in her new book, The Art of Memoir (HarperCollins; $31), it takes courage to share our true experiences: “None of us can ever know the value of our lives, or how our separate and silent scribbling may add to the amenity of the world, if only by how radically it changes us, one by one.”

 

Traveling light in the new year

Posted on January 4, 2016
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DSCN7825While packing clothes for a short vacation late last month, I realized (once again) that I have way too many drawers and closets in dire need of weeding out. January, the month of renewal and change, feels like the right time to dig in and start pitching.

At the same time, I have a lot of other baggage I need to unload, from outdated opinions to stale grudges. That’s the theme of my January column in Michigan Prime, delivered Jan. 3 with your Sunday Detroit News and Free Press. To read the column in the online edition, please click here and flip to page 3.

Writing Home for Christmas

Posted on December 12, 2015
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DSCN2883Need a last-minute, affordable gift this Christmas?* My essay collection, Writing Home, is available on Amazon or can be purchased locally (in Berkley, MI) at the Yellow Door Art Market, where you’ll find lots of Michigan-made gifts and books.

Now in its 2nd edition, Writing Home won several awards for creative nonfiction, including one from Writer’s Digest. It’s a large collection of my favorite published pieces — inspirational, feel-good stories about home, family, and life itself. It’s now available in both print and Kindle editions. Over the past 10 years, several hundred dollars from the profits of my book sales have been donated to organizations serving the homeless in my community.

Wishing you a wonderful, meaningful holiday season this year!

*With apologies for the shameless plug.

No-regrets caregiving guide

Posted on December 7, 2015
Filed Under Columns & essays, Events & news | 4 Comments | Email This Post

-35In the November issue of AARP magazine, editor Robert Love saluted the 39.8 million Americans who currently provide unpaid care to an adult, dubbing them both “noble” and selfless.

During the last six years of my mother’s life, I inherited the task of managing her long battle with vascular dementia. Had you asked me then, I would have described myself as anything but “noble.” Most of the time I felt scared and frazzled. In retrospect, I see what I could have done better.

In the December issue of Michigan Prime, delivered with your Sunday Detroit Free Press, I share a few tips from my “No-Regrets Caregiving Guide.” Click here to read my column (page 6) in the online edition.

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