Personal growth
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Be kind to yourself
“I dreamed I called you on the telephone to say: Be kinder to yourself.” ~Adrienne Rich, poet and essayist In her hit song, “Harshest Critic,” Allison Ponthier asks: “Why is ‘being good to myself’ for someone else?” and “Who’s the harshest critic in the room?” I think we all know the answer. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves. On one hand, constructive self-criticism can be helpful at times. We can learn from our mistakes or oversights when we’re willing to admit them and repair the damages. We can grow and bloom from the soil of what went wrong. But if we get stuck in the traps of perfectionism…
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Domestic arts
“I no longer call such tasks ‘housework.’ I call them the ‘domestic arts,’ paying attention to all the ways they return me to my senses.” ~Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith I’d be lying if I told you that I always enjoy housework. But when everything else feels chaotic or out of control, I find comfort and satisfaction in taking care of my home. I can’t change the world, but I can organize my kitchen drawers and plant my garden. One of many things I’ve admired about Martha Stewart is how she elevates house and garden care to an art form. Along these lines, Episcopal…
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How to brighten our dark thoughts
“I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts, but they needed constant attention, and one day I decided I had better things to do.” ~Brian Andreas Negativity is both lazy and self-destructive. It’s easy to get caught up in the hourly maelstrom of bad news, stressful events, and angry opinions — especially if you spend time on social media. “Dark thoughts” can become a pattern, a habit. (Haven’t we all met people who start complaining as soon as we ask how they’re doing?) Positivity takes tremendous effort, which is why so many people settle for the low-hanging fruit of doomscrolling. This is why I’m limiting how much stressful…
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The remedy for loneliness
“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh By now, you’ve read the news reports citing loneliness as a health crisis in America. According to medical experts, the lack of in-person social activity leads to serious outcomes, including heart disease, dementia, and diabetes. Ironically — despite our many social media connections — Americans aren’t fully engaging with others in reciprocal, three-dimensional ways. Relationships are built on initiation and effort. Too often, we hang back in silence and wonder why we’re bored or lonely or overlooked. All too often, we wait for others…
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Expectations
It’s not a bad idea to hold ourselves — and others — to higher standards. Striving for “the best” is a worthy goal. But unrealistic expectations often result in disappointment. For instance, how many times have you tried a popular new restaurant, only to end up disappointed when your meals fell short of the rave reviews you’d read? At the same time, if we always expect more from other folks than they’re able to give, we’re bound to feel letdown at some point. As Anne Lamott put it, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” Sometimes what we want isn’t available to us. Or what we expect to achieve — weight…
