Civility and manners
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How we see things
“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”~Anais Nin, memoirist We humans view everything through the lens of personal experience, which includes our upbringing and education, where we’ve lived, and the people who form our tribe. Things get tricky when we encounter others who see things differently than we do. When I’m offended or angered, sometimes I adopt a self-righteousness attitude. But that’s exactly the moment I need to pause and reconsider the reasons behind another person’s behavior, according to author David Brooks in How to Know a Person. Have I taken time to understand what the other person might be going through? What backstory…
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The whole cookie
“Every healthy relationship is a feast of affection and giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves it’s enough.” ~Shannon Thomas It’s nearly impossible to be part of an extended family or any type of social group without experiencing a few relationships that are off-balance in some way. You know you’re in a one-sided relationship if you’re consistently making efforts for another person but getting only “crumbs” in return. Whole, healthy relationships make us feel seen, nurtured, and supported. They’re built on a balanced foundation of giving and taking. As today’s quote suggests, we’ll have more of these relationships if we offer our loving care…
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Can we talk?
“I once worked with someone who would only listen for about 15 seconds before interrupting — and then it was only to say something about himself….No matter how long we actually spoke, he just linked whatever you said back to himself and what he wanted to talk about. This effectively ended the conversation.” ~Jack Thomas, Good Conversations With the winter holidays in full swing, we’re attending or hosting more social gatherings than usual. This gives us more opportunities to enjoy real conversation and enrich our relationships. But according to several behavioral scientists, we’ve become so adept at connecting online (texting, emailing, etc.) that we’re actually losing our in-person communication skills.…
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Magical thinking and rash assumptions
“If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that sometimes our assumptions and preconceived notions are wrong, and therefore, our interpretation of events is incorrect. This causes us to overreact, to take things personally, or to judge people unfairly.” ~Elizabeth Thornton, Scottish author of historical fiction As every great magician knows, audiences interpret everything they see and hear through the filter of their own experience and beliefs. Sometimes they see and hear only what they wish to see and hear. It’s sobering, really, when you consider how easily any situation could be misjudged or misunderstood — or taken personally. For instance, you might wonder if friends are angry…
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Insensitive remarks
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.” ~Calvin Coolidge All of us have been guilty of blurting insensitive remarks or sharing information we shouldn’t — usually without realizing it. We might say something off the top of our heads without thinking how someone else might interpret it. We might spread gossip that could hurt a relationship or make us appear untrustworthy. It’s easy to get tangled in our own verbiage — and it takes a heartfelt apology to smooth things out. To paraphrase a quote from Maya Angelou, people might forget exactly what we said, but they’ll always remember how we made them feel. In today’s…
