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The whole cookie
“Every healthy relationship is a feast of affection and giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves it’s enough.” ~Shannon Thomas It’s nearly impossible to be part of an extended family or any type of social group without experiencing a few relationships that are off-balance in some way. You know you’re in a one-sided relationship if you’re consistently making efforts for another person but getting only “crumbs” in return. Balanced relationships make us feel seen, nurtured, and supported. They’re built on a level foundation of giving and taking. As today’s quote suggests, we’ll have more of these relationships if we offer our loving care and…
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Sincerity
“Sincerity is an openness of heart. We find it in very few people. What we often see is only an artful pretense to win the confidence of others.” ~La Rochefoucauld, French philosopher There was a time when the phrase “I love you” was almost sacred. We saved it for rare and precious moments with lovers, spouses, our kids, and our closest friends. Today, “I love you” (or the Hollywood style, “Love you!”) is tossed around casually in text messages or shouted across parking lots and other public places — even to folks who haven’t fully earned our complete devotion. Love for humanity is a wonderful thing, and yes, sincere affection…
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Puppy love
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” ~Marilyn Monroe As long as we’re celebrating the month of love, we can’t overlook our wonderful four-legged friends. If you’re anything like me, you consider your dogs and cats as part of your family — and adore them just as much. (As my friends will tell you, you’d better not come to my house if you don’t enjoy animals.) Pet ownership provides companionship and well-documented health benefits, as I discovered after adopting our beautiful Coco, shown above, from a local animal shelter. That’s the topic of my newest column in the February issue of Vitality and online in The Oakland Press. If you live…
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Old friends
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst conducted a now-famous study on friendship. In particular, he investigated how the context in which we meet people shapes our social network. One of his conclusions: We naturally lose about half of our friends every seven years. Given our ever-changing circumstances — we move, change jobs, get married — it’s logistically impossible to remain close to every friend we’ve ever had. My dear friend Debbie and I touched on this topic yesterday. Deb and I met when we were both pregnant nearly 39 years ago, and our enduring friendship is wrapped in layers of shared memories and experiences. We’re also lucky enough to have kept a few…
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Love and struggle
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It’s an active noun, like ‘struggle.'”~Fred Rogers Relationships of any kind will evolve, change, and reshape themselves. In the early stages, we tend to idealize a new partner as well as our new friends. But who on earth can live up to our highest expectations — all of the time? The longer we know and love someone, and the more we grow, the more likely we’ll encounter a few obstacles, conflicts, and disappointments. Sometimes we’re called to struggle with a crisis together, or we need extra support to handle a problem or a challenge. Fragile relationships won’t withstand the stress — but the…
