Posts Tagged ‘personal growth’
Cindy on August 29th, 2010
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward or scared or uncomfortable when you try something new.” — Brian Tracy
Working as a film extra since last fall, I’ve rarely had to drive beyond metro Detroit for a booking. Which is a good thing, since my sense of direction is pitiful — especially if I’m trying to navigate unfamiliar expressways.
Luckily, my husband Doug has worked in many of the same film gigs. He drives while I squint to read the directions on a Google map.
But two weeks ago, one of our casting agents phoned on short notice to ask if we’d be willing to take a five-day job in Grand Rapids, a two-and-a-half-hour drive from suburban Detroit. And there was another catch: The job required both of our cars for various scenes, so we would have to drive separately. We’d also have to book a hotel in downtown Grand Rapids, since we’d be working at least 12 hours daily on location.
Doug was all set to pack up and hit the road. “We could think of it as a working vacation,” he said hopefully, adding that we hadn’t taken a real break this summer.
Regardless, I could feel my anxiety slamming on the brakes. Working out of town for five days would present some unique challenges — the least of which would be finding convenient laundry facilities for our film wardrobes. My elderly mother’s “early stage” dementia had moved to the middle stage this summer, leaving me vaguely uneasy about leaving town. (I’m not as free as I’d hoped to be at this stage of midlife.)
And what would I do if Doug and I got separated by a caravan of trucks barreling down the expressway? What if, en route to Grand Rapids, my tire blew and my cell phone died? As Doug likes to point out, I can spend hours imagining all kinds of ridiculous “what-if” scenarios.
Stretching lessons
There’s a wonderful quote by Les Brown, one of my favorite motivational speakers: “If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness.”
Clearly, I’ve never been much good at stretching — or tiptoeing — beyond my comfort zone. But wasn’t that one of the reasons why I’d signed on to work as a film extra last year? Feeling cooped up in my newly emptied nest, I had hoped to get out there and meet some new people. I wanted to experience a new creative medium; to learn more about filmmaking. And hadn’t I hoped to be challenged just a little?
So I called the casting agent back and said yes to the booking.
Before I go on, I need to explain that I’m not at liberty to discuss many details about the films I’ve worked in before they’re released. Since the magic of movies involves an element of surprise, everyone who works on a production is warned against sharing plot details. Taking photos on set is strictly prohibited, too, and I’ve heard several accounts of crew and background extras who’ve been fired for ignoring that rule.
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Though our roles in these films have been very, very small, we’ve learned some valuable life lessons in the process of answering call-outs, working with directors, and following protocol on set.”
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But I can tell you that the film is an action-comedy. I learned how car crash scenes are filmed — and even got to drive my car in one. The Grand Rapids police, who’d been enlisted to close several intersections for the filming, were super-friendly and fun to work with. And what a thrill it was when a production assistant handed me a walkie talkie so I could hear the assistant director’s cues in my car. It wasn’t exactly stunt driving, but it was a totally different experience from any other films I’ve worked in. My comfort zone was reasonably stretched, and by the end of the week, I was starting to feel at home in the middle of Grand Rapids’ busiest intersections.
Spending a few hours in “holding” — the place where background extras wait when we’re not on set — is another opportunity to push past boundaries and comfort zones. At times, it can feel like you’re hanging out in a circus tent. At the very least, it’s an intensive exercise in public relations — and a fascinating glimpse into human nature.
In holding, you meet characters you wouldn’t ordinarily find around one lunch table. This type of work attracts everyone from tattooed college students to laid-off auto execs and stay-at-home moms in need of a break. A few have full-time careers in more lucrative fields — and simply took time off work to discover what it’s like to be in a movie. (It’s always a fun story to share with friends.) Others are very serious about becoming film actors.
After working with these folks for nearly a week, it’s hard to return home without fresh insight — and several new friendships.
Shaking up the old routine
Still, it wasn’t easy to wake up at 5:15 every morning. Our call times were rarely later than 6:30 or 7:00, so we’d arrive bleary eyed at base camp to sign in and wolf down enough breakfast to hold us until our late-afternoon meal. Wrapping up around 9:00 each night, Doug and I would grab a sandwich and dash down to the basement of the hotel to launder our clothes. (We had to wear the same outfit every day but one.) Then we’d crawl into bed, exhausted.
Working as a film extra probably isn’t your idea of pushing past your own comfort zone. But now is the perfect time to take a closer look at your bucket list and ask yourself what’s keeping you from following a dream or trying something quirky, fun, and new. Even if it merely shakes up your ordinary routine for a day or two, I promise you’ll score a few points for self confidence.
All said and done, this turned out to be one of the most unusual “vacations” Doug and I have ever taken. It also capped the one-year anniversary of our foray into film work — and was the 12th production we’ve worked on to date. Though our roles have been very, very small, we’ve learned some valuable life lessons in the process of answering call-outs for bookings, working with directors, and following protocol on set. (More about those lessons in upcoming columns.)
On the way back to Detroit, I felt as if we’d been away much longer than a week. In a few whirlwind days I’d seen movie stars and stunt-car crashes and the heart of Michigan’s second largest city. And I’d made some wonderful new friends.
Pulling into our driveway at home, I felt relieved to be back in my comfort zone, and I thanked my car sincerely for getting me there safely. It had worked hard for me, and I can’t wait to see how it cute it looks in the movie. – Cindy La Ferle
Cindy on August 4th, 2010
Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” — Samuel Ullman
My birthday rolled around again this week. As I do annually during the first week of August, I take stock of everything that’s happened over the past year. I ask myself where I’ve fallen short or succeeded — but mostly consider what I’ve learned along the way.
Smack in the middle of my fifties now, I’ve finally accepted my imperfections and my weird streak. It’s been a struggle, but I’m also at peace with the idea that not everyone on Earth is going to like me or my ideas. A woman whose political views I admire once pointed out that if everyone adores you, it’s likely that you don’t have a spine — or any opinions worth defending. I’d rather keep my spine and my opinions.
That said, I don’t ever want to stop growing, changing, and attempting to improve. With that in mind, here are a few things I want to keep working on in the coming year….
Curiosity. One of my favorite quotes from Ray Bradbury goes like this: “Life is trying things to see if they work.” Enthusiasm and curiosity demand a lot of energy — but they keep everyone young in spirit. I’m finding that it helps to hang around with creative people who take risks, seize their passions, try new things, and encourage others to do the same.
Patience. Growing up in the age of instant gratification, I have to keep reminding myself that waiting isn’t such a bad thing. Sometimes I need to chill. Anything worth its salt — including well-written articles, durable relationships, and a great marriage — takes a fair amount of time. And patience. The older I get, the more I appreciate the things I’ve earned through sheer perseverance. But I still need to learn to wait patiently for answers, and to keep the lid sealed on the slow cooker.
Being silly. When I’m at my lowest, it’s usually because I’ve started taking myself way too seriously. And I never cared much for humorless people who take themselves too seriously. I was lucky enough to be raised by a boatload of whimsical Scots who believed that acting silly — really silly — keeps you sane when nothing else makes sense. Now that I’m almost grown up, I know they were spot on.
Listening skills. I’m a talker and a teacher by nature. But as I mature, I hope to become a more accomplished listener and thoughtful conversationalist. My biggest pet peeve is other people who deliver self-absorbed monologues in social situations. I wish I had a dollar for every hour I’ve had to spend with tiresome folks who ramble on and on about their their own stuff — and never ask a single question about my stuff. My new rule of conversation: I must never leave a party, family gathering, lunch date, or interview without knowing at least three new things about the people with whom I’ve spent a few hours. No matter how well I think I know them.
Reality checks. One of my favorite scenes in The Wizard of Oz is when Toto pulls back the curtain and reveals the goofy old guy pretending to be Oz. I’m grateful for every opportunity that serves to zap false illusions and expose the naked emperor. As I age, I hope to have more of these opportunities. This year, I’ve been booked to work as an extra in several feature films and TV episodes. I’ve learned a lot about filmmaking — and human nature. I’ve learned, for instance, that Hollywood is synonymous with hard work, long hours, and sleep deprivation. I’ve met some of the nicest people behind the scenes, and also discovered that real movie stars aren’t quite as glamorous up close as they appear on film. Of course, I knew that all along, but wanted proof. Movie stars are (mostly) regular folks with a knack for high drama. I prefer to be a regular person without the high drama, and I’m ever so grateful I came to that conclusion in my own backyard.
Authenticity. I believe this is the highest quality anyone can aspire to. As surely as I continue to seek it out in other people and experiences, I must continue to nurture sincerity in myself, in everything I do.
Reading the fine print. I hope to live a healthy life, well into old age, and to die clutching a book in one hand and a real newspaper in the other. I appreciate the Internet and all its wonders, but there isn’t a blog or site in cyberspace that can top or replace the scent of fresh ink on paper, or the discovery of a wonderful novel at my favorite bookstore. This year I must, and will, continue to support the printed word by purchasing newspapers and books and magazines. The employment of many of my dearest (and most respected) friends depends on the endurance and triumph of the printed word. I believe that civilization itself depends on it too.
Appreciation. This has been a year of loss and worry, laced with many reminders to cherish and appreciate the people I love. My father-in-law died in June, and my mother’s health is in question. Meanwhile, a very dear friend is recovering from cancer surgery. Appreciation is the incomparable thrill I get each time I walk through my side door and am reminded of my day-to-day blessings. It’s the sense of comfort that washes over me when I hear my husband breathing next to me, or my son’s voice on the phone. Or when I flip through my address book and glance at the names of the good people I could easily call on for help any time of the day or night. I appreciate every single day and every friend I’m given, and I need to send a thank-you note to the Universe. I really do. — Cindy La Ferle
– Photo: “Crazy Science” by Doug La Ferle –
Cindy on May 12th, 2009
“What I really hungered for, more than any of the qualities these esteemed women represented, was a spiritual life that was real and authentic.” — Janice Lynne Lundy, from Your Truest Self
Janice Lynne Lundy and I first “met” eight years ago when she was co-publisher and editor of Healing Garden Journal, and I was a regular contributor to her magazine. Over the years, I’ve gotten to know Jan even better through her books, her Awake is Good blog, and her articles exploring women’s spirituality. I’ve always been uplifted and informed by her work.
Jan’s newest book, Your Truest Self: Embracing the Woman You Are Meant to Be (Ave Maria Press; $17.95) empowers every woman who’s on a spiritual path to personal discovery. The guide is crafted around twelve principles drawn from Jan’s personal encounters and interviews with twelve spiritual teachers, writers, and social activists whose names will strike a chord of recognition, including Joan Borysenko, Sue Patton Thoele, Iyanla Vanzant, and Naomi Judd — just for starters. As Jan points out, living as “our truest self” is a lifelong process and it helps to have mentors to light the way.
Since so many of my writing students have expressed interest in spiritual memoir and inspirational writing, I asked Jan if she’d share some thoughts about her book and how she became a successful writer in this genre.
CL: In Your Truest Self, you outline twelve “Transformational Truths” to help women lead more satisfying, peaceful lives. Each truth is exemplified by a well-known spiritual leader or inspirational teacher. How did you choose the women who inspired these truths for the book?
JL: In my career as a speaker and writer, I have been blessed to cross paths with many gifted women over the years. The twelve women I chose to feature in my book are those who had a profound and lasting impact on my life journeyâso far, that is! For example, I discovered Joyce Rupp at a time when I was struggling with my faithâor lack of it. As a burgeoning feminist, I was angry about a patriarchal notion of God (sourced in the Christian tradition). Her book, A
Star in My Heart, literally, leapt off the shelf at me. I was not consciously looking for it; it found me. Joyce’s words gave me permission to begin a search for a âGodâ of my own understanding. She represents the first Transformational Truth: âI Am Free to Live a Spiritual Life of My Own Making.â
The twelve spiritual mentors I present are: Joyce Rupp, OSM, Jan Phillips, Iyanla Vanzant, Dudley Evenson, Sue Patton Thoele, Daphne Rose Kingma, Doreen Virtue, Naomi Judd, Michelle Tsosie Sisneros, Joan Borysenko, Frances Moore Lappé, Mari Gayatri Stein. These remarkable mentors (their words, lifework, or actual presence) were gifts of the Spirit just when I needed them most. For that, I will be eternally grateful. I would not be who I am today without their guidance. I wanted to share these ladies with the world in a larger way, thus my book.
CL: As a writer, have you always focused on spiritual topics? Or was there a point in your life when you changed your writing direction?
JL: First of all, Cindy, I never planned on becoming a writer, though I always enjoyed writing. I was a high school teacher of comparative religions. In the early 1990s, when my life became quite challenging, I was drawn to personal growth, then spiritual growth, through books and programs. In 1995, I began penning inspirational essays for newspapers and magazines (not unlike what you write so very well, I might add!). These reflections were based on my observations of life even as I was growing into a more genuine version of myself. I wrote my first book in 1996, Coming Home to Ourselves: A Woman’s Journey to Wholeness, a body, mind, spirit guide to women’s well-being. Journaling is a strong component in it, as that process is what actually opened me up to writing in a professional way.
And though I have engaged in many forms of freelance writing over the years, today I find myself writing primarily about personal and spiritual growth. This is my passion and, I believe, my purpose. My desire is deep to help people navigate their spiritual lives with greater equanimity and less suffering. That is also what I do as a Spiritual Director/Mentor. It’s a fine fit with writing. I have a particular passion for women’s life journeys, so most of what I do is in support of womenâbooks, magazine columns, retreats and wokshops, and individual spiritual mentoring.
CL: Please share a few books that you consider spiritual classics, or books that deeply influenced your writing.
JL: Oh, so many! For our purposes here, I’ll choose:
Black Elk Speaks, by John G. Niehardt
Gift from the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Peace is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hanh
Women Who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
At the Root of This Longing: Reconciling a Spiritual Hunger and a Feminist Thirst, by Carol Lee Flinders
Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk
Any poetry by Rumi, especially translated works by Coleman Barks.
CL: In your experience leading retreats and talking with women, what are some of the challenges women face today? And how will your book help us meet them?
JL: Self-care definitely. Taking good care of themselvesâbody, mind, and spiritâas the pace of life and its pressures intensify. The Fifth Transformational Truth, “I Cultivate Compassion for Myself,” is key. Many women do not know how to demonstrate lovingkindness toward themselves, to be as tender with themselves as they are to others. We are pretty tough on ourselves, pushing ourselves beyond normal limits, often exhausting ourselves in the process. We must learn to give ourselves permission to move beyond perfectionism, busyness, and self-negating behaviors. In the book, psychotherapist and author, Sue Patton Thoele, helps me present this Truth and how to navigate its potholes. She represents how we can âlive gently with our ourselves and others.â
Also, speaking our truth is a big challenge for women today. We are naturally peacekeepers, often overly focused on being nice, pleasing others, not rocking the boat, so to speak. It takes fortitude and healthy boundaries to live as our truest self publicly in the world. The Eleventh Transformational Truth: “I Courageously Speak and Live My Truths” is a tough one, but we can learn to move beyond fear, especially of what others might think of us. In this chapter, I elicit the help of activist, Frances Moore Lappé, and readers can begin to relinquish any fear that renders them powerless or ineffectual.
I’ve structured Your Truest Self to feature Reflection Questions after each chapter. It is very important that we take time to integrate the concepts, ponder, even journal a bit. I’ve also created Peaceful Pauses. These are meditations, prayerful practices based on each Truth, which allow us to go deeper and, ultimately, embody the precept in a powerful, new way.
From loving and trusting our body’s wisdom to keeping our hearts open to others, I am confident that this book provides inspiration, big doses of courage and support, and plenty of practical strategies for living as the women we all hope to be. No matter what our spiritual tradition, the Truths are the same. We all want to be healthy and happy. More peace-filled. And wise!
CL: Thanks so much, Jan, for sharing thoughts on your new book and process with us. I wish you continued success — and I encourage readers to visit Awakened Living, your Web site, to learn more about your work.
JL: Thanks for all these great questions, Cindy, and allowing me to speak about Your Truest Self. It’s been a pleasure. Abundant blessings to you all!
Cindy on April 23rd, 2009
“It’s the first impression, and it will either open the door or close it. It’s that important, so don’t mess it up.” — Nicholas Sparks (on query letters)
While many of us “meet” new people through blogs and online social networks, our person-to-person social skills remain a key factor in our careers and personal lives. Psychologists have discovered, in fact, that first impressions are far more powerful than we realize.
âFor centuries, people stayed in the communities in which they were born,â note Ann Demarais, Ph.D., and Valerie White, Ph.D., authors of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You ($12; Bantam). âNow, however, we live in an age in which people move to new houses and cities, change jobs, make new friends, and form new relationships at a rapid rate.â Whether you’re an unemployed mid-lifer or a new graduate preparing for job interviews, you don’t want to miss this book. It’s the topic of my Midpoint column today in The Oakland Press. –CL
Cindy on April 18th, 2009
“Kiss of the sun for pardon. Song of the birds for mirth. You’re closer to God’s heart in a garden than any place else on earth.” — Dorothy Frances Gurney
If today’s sublime weather is any indication, it looks as though spring has finally arrived in Michigan. On days like this, I remember that I’m not fully “myself” unless I’m working in a garden every day. Those days are coming soon. With that idea happily planted in mind, I’ve been clearing out winter debris from the herb beds and even scrubbing down the patio furniture. The cushions in the teahouse are dusted off, too, ready and waiting for anyone who wants to escape with a good book and a glass of iced tea. If only we could live this way year ’round! –CL
–Photos of my backyard gardens in summer (Cindy La Ferle)–
Working as a film extra since last fall, I’ve rarely had to drive beyond metro Detroit for a booking. Which is a good thing, since my sense of direction is pitiful — especially if I’m trying to navigate unfamiliar expressways.
