Cindy on November 28th, 2010
Home ought to be our clearinghouse, the place from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life.” ~Kathleen Norris
So … are you still eating Thanksgiving leftovers? Today I’m savoring the last of the long weekend with the family. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
My new Royal Oak Patch column is posted today. In it, I revisit one of my favorite subjects: the need to slow down and savor everyday pleasures — before the Christmas Machine cranks up. Quick reminder: I’ll display the official Patch logo, above, to alert you every time a new Patch column is posted. While the site is hyper-local, I’m focusing on themes that appeal to all readers, no matter where you live. Next week’s Patch column will address the holiday blues and how to send them packing. Please join the conversation! — CL
Cindy on November 22nd, 2009
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” ~Epictetus
I’m grateful for so much this year. I’m grateful that my family and friends have survived the economic recession, even though some of us have lost jobs, clients, assignments, or enthusiasm. We still have each other. I’m grateful for having enough of everything I need — and for having an abundance of love in my life. But topping my gratitude list right now is the happy thought of my son flying in from Chicago to visit us for the Thanksgiving holiday. He was able to schedule some extra vacation time, so he’ll be here through next weekend.
So I won’t be posting as often this week, here or on Facebook. An essay I posted last month touches on the topic of grown children coming home to visit for the holidays — and the importance of counting our everyday blessings. If you missed it earlier, please click here to read it.
Heartfelt thanks go out to all of you who stop here regularly, leave your comments, and share your own blogs and writings with me. I also want to send a special shout-out to Deb of Talk at the Table, for surprising me this week with one of the loveliest reviews of Writing Home I’ve ever received. While I often write about the fact that the Internet is a cornucopia of mixed or dubious blessings, it has introduced me to many wonderful new friends. I am so thankful for that. — CL
Cindy on November 8th, 2009
Tradition is a guide, not a jailer — W. Somerset Maugham
Over dinner with my husband’s brother and his wife last year, my husband and I broached the delicate subject of … The Holidays. I appreciated the chance to have this discussion with my in-laws. Celebrating the winter holidays, after all, is an emotionally loaded topic even among the most cordial and caring families. People-pleasers, especially, get wigged out at the very thought of trying to appease every relative perched on the family tree.
Regardless, the four of us began sharing a few of our favorite memories and traditions — the mother who stuffed the perfect Martha Stewart turkey, the barrel-chested grandpa who played Santa on Christmas Eve; the cookies we decorated with fistfuls of red and green sugar. We agreed that the nostalgic traditions of childhood are vastly different now. And still changing. They no longer involve the proverbial jaunt “over the river 
and through the woods” to Grandma’s house. Our grandparents all reside in cemeteries now, and our kids are making nests of their own.
Complicating the mix, our extended families keep extending — which makes it impossible to fit everyone around the same dining room table, even with an extra leaf in place.
One solution was to meet in smaller numbers on ordinary evenings, just as we’d done that night. Why wait for a major holiday to be a family? There, at a cozy Italian restaurant in Troy, the four of us were enjoying a rare opportunity to share what was on our minds and in our hearts. No other gifts required.
Not long after, I talked with a grieving friend who lost her mother and is struggling with a different holiday dilemma. As the eldest daughter, she inherited the tradition of hosting a Christmas Eve dinner that typically included up to 30 guests. As my friend explained, her mother was “a generous cook” who’d invite every known relative within reasonable driving distance, plus a few stray neighbors and friends who had no other plans for the evening.
“Having the house crammed with people was my mother’s idea of a perfect holiday,” my friend said. “I feel guilty, but my house is smaller, and I’d much rather have a quiet celebration.” So my friend decided to trim her guest list to a manageable 14. To honor her late mother’s memory, her siblings will bring a favorite family dish to the potluck.
Tradition is a good thing when it keeps us connected to people and places we love. It’s the essential ingredient in our most treasured family recipes. Baking shortbread, for instance, is a comforting ritual that links me to my Scottish ancestors, and it’s the only time I use pounds of real butter without flinching.
But tradition is not a good thing when it’s a futile taskmaster.
“It is my opinion that Norman Rockwell and his ilk have done more to make already anxious people feel guilty than anyone else,” wrote the late Gourmet magazine columnist Laurie Colwin. “The fact is, family is variable, but our stereotypical image of it is not.”
For the record, the family life of Norman Rockwell, “America’s painter,” was colored by three unhappy marriages, including one to a long-suffering alcoholic. All said and done, we can’t possibly replicate our nostalgic past, nor should we feel obligated to remain frozen in someone else’s sugarcoated holiday vision. Ideally, we can combine the best of both worlds — the cherished recipes and rituals we’ve inherited, along with a few newer customs that have meaning to us.
As we mature, we’ll likely have to negotiate some holiday changes with our families. This might require that we welcome a sibling’s new spouse and step kids, or a gay cousin’s partner, to the table. We might have to learn how to bake our mother-in-law’s pumpkin pie from scratch. Or, we might decide to throw in the dishtowel, turn off the oven, and host the whole flock at the local diner. Meanwhile, I’ve decided to relax and count my blessings — which include several festive restaurants within a three-mile radius of home. Here’s to a happy, stress-free holiday season for every woman! — Cindy La Ferle
– This essay originally appeared in Strut magazine–
Cindy on November 27th, 2008
I awoke this morning with devout Thanksgiving for my friends, old and new.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If the only prayer you said in your life was “thank you,” that would suffice.” — Meister Eckhart
My son flew home on Tuesday night. His new job in Chicago sends him all around the country, so I’m grateful that he’s able to take time off to celebrate Thanksgiving with us.
This is homecoming week in the purest sense. Our neighborhood’s recent college grads came back to visit this week (most of them found jobs outside Michigan) and I can’t wait to catch up with them. In spite of all the worrisome news on television — or maybe because of it — I’m counting my blessings. My two favorite words in the English language are home and family, and today I celebrate them with a full heart. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! — CL
Cindy on November 24th, 2008
It is not just the Great Works of mankind that make a culture. It is the daily things, like what people eat and how they serve it.” â Laurie Colwin
Earlier this month, it was hard to find a cooking magazine that didn’t feature a masterpiece of a roasted turkey perched on a ceramic platter and encircled with a trio of traditional side dishes. While I appreciate the beauty of an expertly presented meal, those magazines never fail to stir conflicting waves of nostalgia and guilty reminders of my culinary incompetence.
To most readers, the cover photos are practically iconic. Representing the ultimate American family meal, they evoke warm-fuzzy images of cheerful grandmothers fussing in the kitchen, close-knit clans pulling their Windsor chairs to the table in unison, and fathers leading everyone in prayer. But hold on. That’s Norman Rockwell’s vision of a holiday, isn’t it? For those who’ve recently lost loved ones — or whose family circle is reconfigured by divorce or distance — it’s another picture entirely.
The holidays are especially hard on women who feel compelled to replicate the festive meals and glamorous parties featured in shelter magazines this season. As one friend put it, even the “easiest” recipes and the “simplest” instructions for decking the halls require a fair amount of preparation — and angst. And by the time we’re ready to serve The Feast, we’re ready to drop from nervous exhaustion.
I truly enjoy hosting casual dinners for intimate groups, and I consider entertaining a labor of love. But the holidays set the bar too high for me. I suspect we’d all enjoy the festivities even more if we could relax and minimize the yuletide fuss. When we gather around the table this week for Thanksgiving, let’s count our blessings and find joy in the unique way we choose to celebrate — with or without the turkey worthy of a magazine shoot.
Happy Thanksgiving to all! – Cindy La Ferle
