Cindy on November 30th, 2009
Our national myths often exaggerate the role of individual heroes and understate the importance of collective effort.” — Robert Putnam
Taking advantage of the unseasonably warm weather this month, I took a late afternoon bike ride through our subdivision. As I waved at neighbors who were fastening holiday lights to picket fences and evergreen branches, it occurred to me that my community always tops my annual gratitude list. My family and I have lived in the same neighborhood for more than 20 years, and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.
I know several people who crave more exotic adventures or like to move to before it’s time to repaint the living room. Americans are highly mobile — and often out of necessity. Our jobs force us to transfer. Or we follow the sun to warmer climates and better economic conditions. But wherever we live, most of us long to live in safe, strong communities where civility is valued and practiced. We want to be neighborly, notes Robert Putnam in Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.
I couldn’t agree more. I enjoy visiting local diners “where everybody knows your name.” I prefer shopping at the same grocery store and claiming a favorite booth at local restaurants. One of my favorite jobs — though it paid poorly — was writing for my hometown newspaper and meeting readers in line at the post office.
Feeling connected to a community is as essential to me as having food and shelter, and I’m fortunate enough to live in a place where residents are making an effort to meet one another — and where creating a safe environment is a top priority. And it’s not as if my neighbors and I are stuck in a nostalgic time warp. We know from experience that neighborhoods, like families, are far from perfect. We know that building community isn’t simply a matter of throwing a great block party.
Michigan has suffered twice as hard during this tough economic recession, and our subdivision has seen an increase in theft and vandalism. Which is why we got serious and banded together. We began meeting in kitchens and living rooms to brainstorm a few solutions. For starters, we joined our city’s Neighborhood Watch Program, and then established a neighborhood e-mail chain to help keep everyone informed and connected. In the process, we started learning each other’s names as well as the needs of our immediate community.
Of course, creating a real community requires extra effort — and modern life typically conspires against it. When we’re not multi-tasking at the office, most of us are cloistered at home in communion with the TV or the computer. Building a stronger, friendlier neighborhood demands that we move outside our comfort zones and get involved. It requires that we log off our computers and visit a local park or attend a town meeting.
There are many small steps you can take to strengthen your own community bond. For starters, support neighborhood merchants and restaurants, and subscribe to your local paper. Learn more about local issues and politicians. (If others complain that the government isn’t working, suggest they help fix it.) Make a favorite dinner for a new neighbor and offer to share tools or your snow blower.
As anthropologist Margaret Mead once said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Cindy La Ferle
– Photo of Main Street, downtown Royal Oak –
Cindy on December 29th, 2008
“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each year find you a better person.” — Benjamin Franklin
I stopped making New Year’s resolutions a long time ago. They rarely stick — and only serve to throw me into a vicious cycle of guilt, remorse, and self-contempt for the better part of January.
Instead, I stumbled on another ritual that works in the long run. I call it my “lessons in the rear-view mirror” exercise, which is simply a review of what I learned throughout the past year. Here are a few of my hard-earned epiphanies from 2008:
* Change, hope, democracy, and possibility aren’t just verbiage for a campaign slogan. Despite an incredibly vicious presidential campaign that pitted neighbor against neighbor, the first African American was elected to the highest position of government in the United States. The epitome of grace under pressure, Barack Obama reminds me that anything is possible in America, and that people who expect more from life (and themselves) often get it.
* When friends and neighbors truly love you, they won’t sever the relationship just because you didn’t vote Republican or put Obama signs on your lawn. The really good ones still bring you coffee cake.
* Frugality is cool again. In the midst of a long recession, conspicuous consumption has gone the way of the manual typewriter. Many of us woke up to the fact that we already have everything we need — including a supportive family, longtime friends, good neighbors, and a closetful of unworn clothes that still have price tags hanging on them. Our houses are big enough, our cars are new enough, our lives are rich enough. Enough is enough.
* There’s no such thing as “getting ahead.” When everything around you is changing rapidly, slowing down to catch your breath is often the best course of action. I regret that I spent the first half of my life dashing frantically from one activity to the next, as if there were a contest for the achiever who got it all done first. “What will your tombstone say?” humorist Loretta LaRoche asks us to consider. “Will it say, ‘Got it all done, dead anyway?’ ”
* We all deserve to be paid what we’re worth, whether we practice dentistry, carpentry, or journalism. Our experience and expertise have value — and others have more respect for services they have to pay for. When I give away my professional skills, people not only perceive me as generous, they also think of me as a walking freebie. I also make it harder for my colleagues to earn a decent wage.
* Parenting is the most important job a person can ever do, and it’s worth giving it the absolute-best you’ve got. Kids grow up faster than you can say “empty nest.” It’s a sappy cliche, I know, but until you watch your kid pack the car and drive off to his own new place in another state, you don’t really believe it.
* When someone steals one of your best ideas, it’s hard to get it back.
* You can’t take anything for granted. The Detroit newspaper crisis got me thinking about my 25-year career writing for print media. My smallest paychecks — and my biggest thrills — were always earned from a byline in my local newspaper. As Joni Mitchell sang, “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone…”
* Support networks really work. Having a posse of gifted writers with whom to commiserate has kept me sane — and hopeful — and I’m forever grateful for their friendship. Despite all the bad news for print media, writers are an optimistic bunch. Already, fresh ideas are brewing and there’s plenty of positive talk about publication start-ups and new ways of making a living with words. There’s hope in the midst of change.
* Love makes everything better. Everything.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
– Cindy La Ferle
