Father’s Day

Posted on June 18, 2010
Filed under Events & news | 12 Comments | Email This Post

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.”  ~Gloria Naylor

This short essay first appeared in the Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI) on Father’s Day, 1994, and is included in my story collection, Writing Home. If you’re lucky enough to have your dad around this Father’s Day, please give him a big hug from me. –CL

Dad’s last photograph

It’s my favorite photograph of Dad and me — one of those priceless family icons I’d rescue if the house caught fire. Taken on Father’s Day in 1992, it reveals the totally uncomplicated relationship we’d enjoyed right up to the moment the shutter clicked.

I use the word uncomplicated because I can’t think of a more lyrical way to describe my father or the way he lived. Even when pop psychologists urged us to scrutinize our parents and find them suspect, I saw my dad as a patient man whose agenda was rarely hidden. He was the kind of guy who appreciated most people just as they were, and I think that’s what we all loved best about him.

But let me explain the photograph.

Dad and I were standing on my back porch, having just finished the surprise Father’s Day dinner I’d hosted for him and my father-in-law.

Dad wore a pale blue windbreaker and an outdated pair of glasses that somehow looked right on him. My hair was orange, thanks to a failed experiment with a drugstore highlighting kit. The late afternoon sun shimmered through the maples in our yard, and my mother was anxious to finish the film left in her camera.

Dad and I hugged tightly for the shot.

He was sixty-five and grinning — despite the grim diagnosis of degenerative heart disease he’d been given a few months earlier. At thirty-seven, I was newly unemployed and unsure of my career path. The travel magazine I edited for nearly six years had folded abruptly, dropping me off at midlife without a new map. Still, summer had arrived and we were optimistic. Dad’s diabetes was under control, or as he put it, he’d been “feeling pretty darned good lately.”

Better yet, the ball games were in full swing. It wasn’t shaping up to be a stellar season for the Tigers, but Cecil Fielder and Lou Whitaker were giving it their best. (While I never shared my dad’s religious devotion to baseball, I still can’t hear the crack of a bat against a ball without remembering the old transistor radio he kept tuned to his games.)

But there’s something else about the photo. Looking at it today, you’d never imagine the two of us had a major-league concern beyond what we’d be eating for dessert that evening. Nor would you guess that this 35mm print chronicled one of our last days together.

The inevitable phone call came two weeks later on a Monday morning: “Your dad collapsed in the driveway. The ambulance is coming.”

So this week I’m very grateful for that luminous Father’s Day afternoon ten years ago — grateful I hadn’t waited another day to throw my dad a surprise party. I usually postpone my good intentions, adding them to a long list of things I plan to do later.  Later, when there’s more time…

“Today is the only time we can possibly live,” wrote Dale Carnegie, whose work my father read often and admired. I see now that Carnegie’s philosophy is gleefully captured in my father’s grin, which my mother wisely captured on film. – Cindy La Ferle

Comments

12 Responses to “Father’s Day”

  1. deb @ talk at the table on June 19th, 2010 7:13 am

    Cindy,

    this was perfect . every word. the photo. perfect.
    hope to get an email out to you today.

    Please accept my deepest wishes for peace and comfort for you and your husband on the loss of his father.

  2. Sharon on June 19th, 2010 9:03 am

    Cindy, your wonderful memories will be with you always. Wishing you peaceful moments at this most difficult time ~

  3. Mary Ellen on June 19th, 2010 11:43 am

    Dear Cindy,

    Special thoughts to you and your husband on the loss of his Father.

    Life can be so very sad, but the memories help us smile.

  4. joanna jenkins on June 19th, 2010 7:05 pm

    Oh Cindy– I cried the first time I read this and I’m choked up again this time. It’s a perfect reminder to live in the moment and to keep the ones we love close.

    This is a wonderful picture of the two of you.

    xo jj

  5. starrlife on June 20th, 2010 8:54 am

    I love this post- I’m so sorry for you and your husbands loss! The picture is beautiful. You’ve had such a difficult year and I’m sending you a hug. What a gift you have to put it all down into wonderful words!

  6. Only the Half of It on June 20th, 2010 11:50 am

    What a wonderful story, Cindy! Thanks.

    It’s been an especially challenging year so far for me with my parents, god bless them. I am lucky to still have both.

    But it’s been a hard year with health issues, one after the other, it seems. I am thankful for my father especially this year.

    I have been meaning to write so many times about what I’m going through and finally, for this day, just decided to do a repost about my dad, too, in honor of Father’s Day.

    I would love to see you before too long.

    Be well… and… as an aside, I have to say: You’ve hardly aged since this photo!

  7. Cafe Pasadena on June 20th, 2010 4:44 pm

    Dale Carnegie reminds me I need to finish is most famous book!

    A wunderful Dad Day post! Children need a mom & dad. It’s just my intuition that dad is most important for girls, and mom for the boy.

  8. Jenn on June 20th, 2010 7:47 pm

    I love this photo of you two! I can’t explain it.. but it is magical! blessings to you and rich memories!!! xx Jenn

  9. Carla on June 20th, 2010 9:58 pm

    Nin . . .
    I just read this lovely story and realized Doug’s dad passed away…. I’m so sorry for your loss and how Doug must be feeling. Hugs dear friend. xoxox Carla

  10. Debra Darvick on June 21st, 2010 5:37 pm

    Cindy, what a beautiful post. Pure joy radiates from you both, “Looka my girl!” your dad seems to be saying. “Ain’t she the best!” And she is.

    I was so sorry to read of Doug’s dad’s death. Sending sympathies and thoughts of comfort.

    Debra

  11. Deb Cotter Davenport on June 28th, 2010 10:57 pm

    When I first read this piece in your book, I wished there was a photo. It’s just as I imagined. Thanks for sharing.

  12. Cindys Coffeehouse on July 1st, 2010 10:07 am

    Cindy, I was so sorry to read about the passing of Doug’s Dad. Because of that, I appreciate this post not only because it shows the special relationship you had with your Dad, but also the relationship you had with your father-in-law. After the passing of my parents, I believe that, even though people pass on, our relationships with them continue.

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