How poetry heals
Cindy on May 6th, 2010
Poetry is such good company when no other form of human communication can touch the deepest parts of us.” — Sheila Bender
I was lucky enough to meet Sheila Bender early in my writing career. In two days I devoured her writing guide, Writing in a Convertible with the Top Down, then wrote to tell her how much it inspired me. To my surprise, she contacted me when she visited Detroit on business, and we met for lunch.
Seventeen years later, Sheila still inspires me. She’s a prolific author, poet, essayist, and master teacher — and I encourage you to visit her online magazine, Writing It Real. I was so deeply moved by her newest book, A New Theology: Turning to Poetry in a Time of Grief, that I invited Sheila to be a guest blogger for the “Poems to Inspire” series this week. — Cindy La Ferle
Guest Blog by Sheila Bender
I started my writing career as a poet and I believe that poetry is my “home page,” the place I return to for investigating my feelings and perceptions and to recognize those of others that are so like my own. As poets, we write from joy, sorrow and wonder; our poems record our responses to being alive and they create a sense living intensely, rather than walking shut down through our days.
Many authors write about the way only poetry, both reading and writing it, has helped them cope with sorrows. Writing, even about the sadness of circumstances, is a kind of celebration of life — the pleasure of images and words to reconstruct even as we must let go.
And that ability to include opposites (something John Keats named “negative capability”) is exactly why poetry is such good company when no other form of human communication can touch the deepest parts of us. I realized this when I wrote about the loss of my 25-year-old son in a snowboarding accident in A New Theology: Turning to Poetry in a Time of Grief.
Madge McKeithen wrote in her book, Blue Peninsula, how certain poems were the guides and solace she needed as she watched her young adult son dying of a terminal disease. Others have turned their attention to the way poetry helps when other therapies and conversations don’t: David Rico in Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth and John Fox in Poetic Medicine: The Healing Art of Poem-Making.
Over the years, I have known I would start poems because of seeing the wet outline of my husband’s swimming trunks through his slacks as we drove after arguing, because of attending a traditional tea ceremony with my daughter as she was coming of age and the tea ceremony hostess’ mother was dying, because of awe I felt at the fragility of human life after looking down the Columbia River Gorge with my young son.
I’ve written a poem because a blue moon in August made me sit down and consider the feelings I had when my daughter left for studies in Japan. And certainly, when I was in the deepest grief, it was poetry I called upon to bring my son back to me, to make it impossible for me to forget him, to render pain into some sort of beauty so I could go on and be of service to my family and others.
Usually, I have only the feeling of needing to write and no knowledge of what I will write. But as I write each poem, I begin to understand the poem as a means of finding out what I might not otherwise have known I had to say. The more I write poetry, the more poetry I read, as absorbing other poets’ strategies for delivering perception always helps me find ways to explore my topics.
Here’s a poem I wrote under the influence of the cadences and repetitions in Walt Whitman’s poem “Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking“:
Six Months After My Son’s Death, I Chant to Sing for Him
Out of daily steps and out of drives
on highways, out of hour’s rocky patches
and moments made of weeds, memories come.
I sing the evening I visited my son and watched
his friends working in his kitchen with hops and yeast
and recipes downloaded from the Internet.
I sing the carboys they showed me topped
with see-through tubes and shiny copper
for reading yeast’s performance.
I sing their logs of sugar content and bottled
batches, the way the young men sterilized the bottles
they used, invited people for the harvests
of oatmeal stout and porter. I sing each week
they went to school between their Sunday fests.
Long and deep, I mourn and wake to sing the sun
to rise, to thank my son for time he spent
inside my dreams. I sing, I sing and do what
he was doing, siphoning good spirit from sediment.
_________
I hope I have encouraged you to try your hand at poetry. Find a poem you like and read it several times. Then see what happens when you put your pen to paper (yup, I always begin poems on paper). – Sheila Bender
– Top photo: Detail from “What We Remember,” a mixed-media construction by Cindy La Ferle. For a closer look, click on the image. –
Read More 
Comments (13) 
Events & news, Poems to inspire
May 6th, 2010 at 9:37 am
Thank you Cindy and Sheila for sharing your thoughts today. Sheila, the line that really moved me is your efforts, with poetry, to render pain into some sort of beauty. I would think that for us to feel pain so deeply, there must be some thread of beauty within it, somewhere. I love how you use poetry, and words, to bring that beauty, however sad, to the surface. What a lovely post.
May 6th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Cindy,
thank you once again for continuing to be a source of invaluable inspiration and information.
It is an honour to “meet” you Sheila, and this poem is beautiful touches me deeply , although I certainly cannot fathom the loss of a child. Please accept my heartfelt prayers as you no doubt continue to stay at peace with this.
I spent a bit of time on your website, btw, and am anxious to read your written work .
As a person who writes, I would like to pursue what it might be like , to call myself , a writer.
May 6th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Sheila, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I cannot fathom the sadness and despair you went through. Your words lodge in my heart, they are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing such a personal feeling with me.
Cindy, thank you for this. You are an amazing woman, and have the most wonderful friends.
May 6th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Cindy and Sheila, this is a soulful post. The phrase “to reconstruct even as we must let go” resonates with me. I want to understand before I move on, and poetry often touches the emotions when nothing else can.
May 7th, 2010 at 12:55 am
Sheila, I have long admired your work and this post is gorgeous. The poem you wrote is so powerful — I, too, find great solace in poetry and have always wondered what that power really is. You’ve shed a bit of light on it, I think, here.
May 8th, 2010 at 8:59 am
so much to say about this post. Sheila’s sad lovely words, the gift of knowing she has books and a website I can return to, and Cindy, the mixed media piece at the beginning of the post knocked my socks off. I so want to see your work in person, but this is the next best thing. Thank you.
May 8th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Hi Cindy– Thank you so much for this wonderful guest post. I was not familiar with Sheila before and have added her books to my reading list.
Sheila, Your words– “Writing, even about the sadness of circumstances, is a kind of celebration of life…” really spoke to me. I found myself nodding my head in agreement as I read.
Thanks to both of you for your guidance and wonderful writing.
Cheers,
jj
May 8th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
Happy Mother’s Day, Cindy. Love and hugs!
May 8th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Thanks Cindy for sharing this! It is really helpful to know! I always loved poetry and it goes back to my melancholy days and it brought comfort to me, over time my poems have gone sweeter, but I think that poems can really bring out any emotion and that is certainly the beauty and art of it! I like the abstract of them and this excites me! take care, Jenn
May 8th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Hello to Those Who Have Written Such Wonderful Comments!
Cindy called my attention to the fact that there were comments on my guest blog. I feel so honored to be in the company of so many for whom poetry and writing are important. Thank you all for your kind words. I hope to meet you some day, online or in person.
Yours,
Sheila
May 9th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Poetry reaches past the brain like a song, on a molecular level, ground water. I love your writing about such a loss- I appreciate your sharing Sheila. Looking forward to exploring your work!
I have written poems. The only one I ever shared is on my site. I’ll put it up on a post just for you Cindy
May 13th, 2010 at 3:36 am
Interestingly, I just wrote a post yesterday
( http://tiny.cc/h3xml ) seeking suggestions of support for my friend Pam whose husband died suddenly last summer in a tragic accident.
She had asked her friends for words to help her get through the next few days as the anniversary nears.
I think she might appreciate reading Sheila Bender’s book and will pass this post along to her.
Thanks for the post, interview, and book and thanks to Sheila for sharing her sorrow and lasting joy.
June 7th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
i’m new new to this blogging world, following Cindy’s blog. I didn’t expect to find a community of poets! I’m facing a relocation and it’s very stressful as we consider options and what we can afford in order to be near my “older mom” daughter her just had her first baby. Yesterday it occurred to me that “home is where the poetry is.” And I remembered that was was more important than anything, for me. Glad to find you here and t/u