Playtime
Cindy on April 22nd, 2010
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” — Plato
It wasn’t the designer showcase model for tree houses — but something about it appealed to my inner child and made her envious. Painted park-bench green, the simple plywood structure was perched high under the branches of a lofty evergreen in a neighbor’s wooded backyard. A red ladder leaned invitingly against its narrow front door.
Square footage-wise, the building was barely large enough to hold four small kids sitting cross-legged on the floor. Still, it wouldn’t take much imagination for its lucky owners to use it as the center of operations for secret agents, or maybe a hideout for mutinous aliens from Jupiter. Best of all, the crafty neighbor who’d built the new tree house had placed it at the farthest edge of the yard, making it the perfect retreat for plotting, napping or daydreaming.
Driving with my son, who was barely a teenager then, I cruised by it slowly for a better look.
“Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to have a tree house?” I asked, nodding toward our neighbor’s yard. My kid looked at me as though I’d just asked him to wear his bathing suit to church.
“You’re way too old for a tree house, Mom,” he said, dropping his voice another octave.
Too old for a treehouse? Says who?
Not Diane Ackerman, author of Deep Play (Vintage). “Deep play is a refuge from ordinary life, a sanctuary of the mind, where one is exempt from life’s customs,” she explains. Ackerman points out that many creatures, including dolphins and human beings, are wired to learn important lessons from playing — long after they’ve matured. Ackerman claims that our need to play — whether we opt to ride the merry-go-round at a carnival or craft model airplanes at home — is as natural as our need for sunshine. We can lay aside our sense of self, ignore pain, or just sit quietly, watching the world’s ordinary miracles, she writes.
Most grown-ups are conflicted about play. In our workaholic culture, the word “play” carries mixed messages. To play with someone’s heart is cruel; to play at something suggests laziness or lack of purpose. And how many of us advise our kids to stop playing around and get down to business? For most Americans, time off remains a guilty pleasure — a stolen afternoon on a golf course or in a deck chair when we should be toiling at the office. We’re praised and rewarded when we look busy or competitive or productive.
Riding my bicycle around the neighborhood yesterday, I was stopped by a neighbor on her way to work.
“Well, it must be nice to have time for a bike ride,” she shouted from her car window. I knew she was only teasing me — yet I felt compelled to justify my break from a deadline.
“I have to get back to my desk by noon,” I hollered back, trying to sound urgent and important. Why couldn’t I just admit that I’d come out to play? Even though I knew better, I peddled home feeling as if I’d been caught playing hooky.
“Our daily routines are stacked with chores, commitments, and too many requirements,” Ackerman reminds us. Sometimes we need to shed our obligations to feel fully alive. Time off will ultimately make us healthier, happier, and more productive people. And that’s why every grown-up needs a bicycle — or a treehouse — and a bright yellow permission slip for recess.
When was the last time you played a board game, hit the golf course, rode a carousel, put together a puzzle, or spent time with your favorite toys? — Cindy La Ferle
–A slightly different version of this piece was first published in The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak. –
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:44 am
You have inspired me to dust off the fenders and pump up the tires on my faithful bike!
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:19 pm
There’s a gorgeous historic carousel the next town over, renovated and well maintained that I haven’t visited in a few years now. I’m not sure if it’s open for the season yet, but I definitely am psyched to go for a horse ride on it soon! Thanks for the play inspiration.
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:47 pm
I agree with Plato. I think he was assuming such a conversation wouldn’t even last an hour.
April 22nd, 2010 at 2:05 pm
argh, it bugs me when people say that. The “it must be nice” about anything actually.
but I get this. Our family choses play. No shame involved. That’s how we roll.
April 22nd, 2010 at 9:41 pm
In my opinion, we Americans have crippled ourselves by our obsession with the “Protestant work ethic”. We’ve lost something very important – something having to do with our “souls”, for want of a better word. We seem to be proud of it, but ironically, in truth, I think it’s more of a sickness.
April 23rd, 2010 at 12:38 am
Do you have any extra “bright yellow permission slip for recess.” laying around? I’m thinking of dusting off my bike.
Thanks for the nudge.
jj
April 23rd, 2010 at 1:38 am
Whenever someone puts me on the defensive like that neighbor of yours, I tend to blabber on, trying to justify myself. I need to grow out of it!
By the way, I love Diane Ackerman’s writings! The mind of that woman amazes me!
April 23rd, 2010 at 7:59 am
Thought-provoking post, Cindy! I love riding my bike to break up the monotony of adulthood. There’s a great hill at the park nearby that’s awesome for coasting!
Otherwise, I play Scrabble and Battleship with my kids on a fairly regular basis…
April 23rd, 2010 at 8:53 am
Oh, this is wonderful! I feel like I have to justify what I’m doing if it’s not productive. Worst of all, I feel like I have to justify it to myself.
April 23rd, 2010 at 9:39 am
I love to play with words (crossword puzzles, scrabble). I got fed up of telling myself that I am too busy to play. So two weeks ago I bought the word game Bananagram on Amazon. It arrived last week and I am having a blast playing by myself. My daughter and son-in-law promised to join me this weekend for the group experience.
April 23rd, 2010 at 11:49 am
Joanna, I think we should all make bright yellow permission slips and leave them on our desks – to take as needed.
April 23rd, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Since marrying a Brit and moving to the UK, I’ve had tons of time to do a lot a writing. Rarely a day goes by that I don’t complete something, but if you talked to my daughter you would think I was doing nothing but playing all day long. She thinks all work needs a paycheck in order to be work and while I hope to see some payback financially at some point, just because no one writes me a check each month does not mean I am not working! (I feel like Lucy in the Peanuts cartoon as I write this seeing myself almost shouting the words at the end.)
Too add to my irritation level on this work/play topic, my sister’s son asked recently and quite innocently when was Aunt Elizabeth was going to be through with her vacation.
I growled out something about how I WAS working and finished by saying,” Just tell him Aunt Elizabeth is on permanent vacation!”
Humph!
April 23rd, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I have a confession to make…I play all the time:)
P.S. And I am guilt free.
April 23rd, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Cindy, I adore this!
I was laughing at the tree house conversation with your son. This deep play imaginary wanting to be reality made me think of the other week when I was walking as I usually do around the neighborhood and I saw this cute little girl’s bike. It was all decked out in pink and totally rad! haha do they say that anymore?! Well it was pretty cool, I thought too bad I couldn’t ride that thing and somehow fit on there .. I was wanting to from the little girl inside of me! Then the other day I was walking again and I saw an empty play area in someone’s back yard and an empty swing, I was tempted again to take a swing! It is fun to imagine these things, but I must find a way to do more “play” and defend less when I am seen in the midst of it, as you said! I stopped to smell the lilac bush the other day, they were free! and yes, I stepped on someone’s lawn for it 
I am liking this roll, and it feels great to be here! hugs, Jenn
April 24th, 2010 at 7:27 am
I love the idea of a treehouse. I don’t think we’re ever too old to play, and much of what I’m reading these days about creativity encourages it, too. I’m going for a walk on the beach today, my first choice for outdoor play these days.
April 24th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Let’s hear it for PLAY! As a Kindergarten teacher, I value play more than the average person, I suppose. Play is how we can be true selves! I just bought a new deck of cards version of Scrabble…come on over, Cindy and we’ll try out this game!
April 25th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
When I have downtime, my immediate inclination is to reach for a good book or reach out to friend for good conversation. Your post reminds me that expanding my repertoire to include play time would add a lot to my life. Thanks.
April 26th, 2010 at 6:19 am
What a beautiful gem of writing Cindy. Poignant and inspiring as usual! I’m going to need a vacation from my vacation now!
April 29th, 2010 at 5:33 am
My kaleidoscope! My sisters gave it to me for my 40th. It’s not play necessarily but a break from the
strictures of adulthood. Play is crucial in life. In yoga they celebrate us when we tumble from our serious efforts to master an asana. Wonderful piece, Cindy. As always.