Gift of community
Cindy on November 30th, 2009
Our national myths often exaggerate the role of individual heroes and understate the importance of collective effort.” — Robert Putnam
Taking advantage of the unseasonably warm weather this month, I took a late afternoon bike ride through our subdivision. As I waved at neighbors who were fastening holiday lights to picket fences and evergreen branches, it occurred to me that my community always tops my annual gratitude list. My family and I have lived in the same neighborhood for more than 20 years, and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.
I know several people who crave more exotic adventures or like to move to before it’s time to repaint the living room. Americans are highly mobile — and often out of necessity. Our jobs force us to transfer. Or we follow the sun to warmer climates and better economic conditions. But wherever we live, most of us long to live in safe, strong communities where civility is valued and practiced. We want to be neighborly, notes Robert Putnam in Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.
I couldn’t agree more. I enjoy visiting local diners “where everybody knows your name.” I prefer shopping at the same grocery store and claiming a favorite booth at local restaurants. One of my favorite jobs — though it paid poorly — was writing for my hometown newspaper and meeting readers in line at the post office.
Feeling connected to a community is as essential to me as having food and shelter, and I’m fortunate enough to live in a place where residents are making an effort to meet one another — and where creating a safe environment is a top priority. And it’s not as if my neighbors and I are stuck in a nostalgic time warp. We know from experience that neighborhoods, like families, are far from perfect. We know that building community isn’t simply a matter of throwing a great block party.
Michigan has suffered twice as hard during this tough economic recession, and our subdivision has seen an increase in theft and vandalism. Which is why we got serious and banded together. We began meeting in kitchens and living rooms to brainstorm a few solutions. For starters, we joined our city’s Neighborhood Watch Program, and then established a neighborhood e-mail chain to help keep everyone informed and connected. In the process, we started learning each other’s names as well as the needs of our immediate community.
Of course, creating a real community requires extra effort — and modern life typically conspires against it. When we’re not multi-tasking at the office, most of us are cloistered at home in communion with the TV or the computer. Building a stronger, friendlier neighborhood demands that we move outside our comfort zones and get involved. It requires that we log off our computers and visit a local park or attend a town meeting.
There are many small steps you can take to strengthen your own community bond. For starters, support neighborhood merchants and restaurants, and subscribe to your local paper. Learn more about local issues and politicians. (If others complain that the government isn’t working, suggest they help fix it.) Make a favorite dinner for a new neighbor and offer to share tools or your snow blower.
As anthropologist Margaret Mead once said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Cindy La Ferle
– Photo of Main Street, downtown Royal Oak –
November 30th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Well said Cindy! A sense of community really brings people together. Unfortunately, so often we miss the opportunity to connect. Thanks for the reminder.
Hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful.
xo
December 1st, 2009 at 9:37 am
I am blessed to have you as a neighbor Cindy!
December 1st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
So true Cindy.
I will say that I frequently wonder, on bike rides and walks, why no one is ever out on their front porches, especially those decked out with benches, chairs, swings. It’s like it’s all just decor.
And: I love your house and neighborhood. No wonder you don’t want to be anywhere else.
December 1st, 2009 at 5:12 pm
That Margaret Mead quote is one of my all-time favorites. Yours is a special neighborhood Cindy. The houses in the town where I live now are spread out, and I live several miles from most of the people I’ve met. A group of us get together in each other’s homes once or twice a month to do handwork, and this serves as our “community.”
December 1st, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Thanks everyone — yes, Royal Oak has the heart of a small town and the ambiance of a college town (which it is) and I feel very lucky to have lived here for 27 years. We’ve loved it so much here, in fact, that we moved three times within a few blocks until we found the house of our dreams. I’m also touched when I remember that we have several families in the ‘hood who’ve stayed rooted for quite a while, often for several generations.
Sam, I am blessed to have YOU as a neighbor … we’ve had some fun here, haven’t we!
Ellen — I know what you mean about the “decorative” porches that are only there for show. Sad, really.
Sharon — if you get together in each other’s homes once or twice a month, that’s wonderful!
–CL
December 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Cindy, we must have been on the same wave length today. I had a deja vous moment when I read your quotation from Margaret Mead, because I was almost going to use that one myself when I was updating on quote of the day on my Web site. At the last minute, I decided to go one more time with a pithy saying from playwright Wilson Mizner.
I was thinking about Margaret Mead’s quotation because I just finished bundling up some home-baked cookies in ziploc bags to sell locally tomorrow for the bake sale for our Michigan schools. Local moms in our public school district are trying to get the public to pay attention to the slashed funding for schools, and urging Michiganders to contact legislators to come up with a REAL solution for Michigan’s budget woes.
It’s a simple local effort, it’s important and it’s part of the community. So thank you, Cindy, for talking about the need for the community to band together for worthwhile causes.
And for those in Royal Oak, please support the cookie sale — and contact your state legislators!
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:58 am
It can be so hard today to build community. Even though I live in a relatively small town I find people group off along narrow interests and I am so not a narrow interest kind of gal. Would you be my neighbor?
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:54 am
Perfectly said.
The other night my husband used the street app of google earth to do a virtual walk through the life he spent growing up in one house, one vibrant and wonderful neighbourhood. We wish it for our family now, but it is a challenge.
Even the progressive house to house party that our street has done for 9 years has fizzled out. I’m still heartbroken over it. It meant something.
Why is everyone always looking for the thing that is often right under their nose.
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:46 am
Starrlife and Deb, you made some good points about how hard it is to build community today. You might want to read Putnam’s book, which is linked in this essay.
Me, I blame the Internet and social media. Don’t get me wrong — I love this blogging and spend LOTS of time on Facebook. I think the opportunity to connect with more people online is FANTASTIC!
But I often hear people talk fondly of their cyber friends, and claim that they are “closer” to friends online than they are to the real people in their lives. I’ve read comments from many bloggers who claim they are more comfortable being intimate online, sharing their deeper feelings, etc., in a blog or on Facebook than they are communicating with friends and relatives in person. That’s sad, when you think about it. It’s a symptom of something wrong in our culture, and I am not sure what. A psychologist would have a field day with it.
I suppose having friends online is better than having none at all. But the Internet isn’t real people. Friendship — in the 3D world — is hard work sometimes. It takes effort to nurture real friendships. They die with neglect and lack of intimacy and honesty.
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:30 am
Lovely thoughts, Cindy, and I concur. Community is so important and I love my small one here on the Bay. I don’t think I could ever live really comfortably in a big city, unless it had a small, self-contained neighborhood where every one does know your name. I shop in small stores, co-ops, and feel their loving support as I lend mine. Here’s to community and the the joy it can bring.
April 14th, 2010 at 7:52 am
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