River of reinvention
Cindy on July 1st, 2009
“No one really knows how you must change. Not even you. Not until you start.” — David Viscott, Risking
Working on our new/old house in St. Joseph last week, I spent a lot of time thinking about change, restoration, and reinvention. Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright in 1957 — just a few years after I was born — the house (like me) needs a little updating. And so, nearly every week, my husband and I head west on the highway, then roll up our sleeves and go to work on the place. We patch roof leaks, polish cupboards, weed gardens, clean carpets, scrub rust stains from vintage bathtubs….
There’s a wonderful view of the St. Joseph River from the house, too, and I like to admire it when I take breaks from my chores. Watching the parade of boats on their pleasure trips, I thought about how my middle-aged friends and I are all in some phase of transition.
Many are journalists or automotive workers who’ve lost jobs or are facing major career detours. Some of us have just gotten used to the freedom of the empty nest, yet suddenly find ourselves caring for our elderly parents. A few are convinced that the river of change will lead us to new and exciting adventures, while others aren’t quite sure where to steer next.
But this much I know for certain: It’s hard to slow the current when our culture keeps urging us on to the next big thing; when we’re valued more for what we achieve than for who we are.
I’ve also discovered that renovating an old house is a lot easier than reinventing yourself (or your career) midstream. But as the poet Rilke advised, sometimes we need to pull back from our busyness and “live the questions.” And so, as the river tells me, I’ll let myself drift awhile, and simply take in the view.
Cindy La Ferle is author of Writing Home, an essay collection on home and family topics. She blogs weekly at Cindy La Ferle’s Home Office.
– Photo of the St. Joseph River, by Doug La Ferle –
July 1st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Nature’s a great teacher, isn’t she? Love that idea to let ourselves drift awhile and take in the view. Because how can we proceed with change, and reinvention, if we haven’t drifted a bit and understood the passing scenery?
July 1st, 2009 at 3:29 pm
That’s right, Joanne. I have trouble, though, when it comes to being still. I’m working on it….
July 1st, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Another great quote for my files. And of course there is Rilke, too.
I agree that society likes to size us up by our accomplishments, and reduce who we are by our business cards. When will we learn? Seem like you and I already know better.
July 1st, 2009 at 6:58 pm
“live the questions.” Beautiful.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I really enjoy your updates on the work on the Wright house. The Viscott quote reminded me of the first book I ever read about relationships, How To Live With Another Person, by him. It made a huge impact on me because, as I remember, he wrote about all aspects of living with someone; I’m going to revisit the book to see if he writes about mid-life. There is an added wrinkle with reinvention when someone is in a relationship, which impacts the changes as much as the changes impact the relationship.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Thanks “Half” and Maureen … And Sharon, you made good points about the challenge of reinvention when you’re in a relationship. When I was being interviewed on the talk radio program earlier this week, the host asked me about how marriages change once we find ourselves in an empty nest. Of course, our focus totally changes when we’re not immersed in parenting, just for starters — CL
July 1st, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I’m waiting for you to have a writing course at that house! Not that I’m inviting myself,lol! I totally agree with you although I’m a different kettle of fish in terms of my midlife dilemmas. What a great post- perfectly wrought I think! And that view is wonderful and must be so inspiring.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Starrlife, one of my pipe dreams (at the top of my wish list) is to have a writers’ group at this house. Someday ….
July 1st, 2009 at 8:27 pm
That quote from Rilke is one of my favorites.
It does seem as though a lot of us are going through this “shifting gears/re-invention” process. It’s exciting, but scary at the same time. The best advice, as you say, is to relax and enjoy the scenery and let it unfold (and trust that we’ll take whatever action is needed at the right time.) That can be challenging, since it goes against what we’ve been taught.
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:57 am
and what a lovely view it is!
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:00 am
Cindy, I bet you’re enjoying your new/old house. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of “rethinking” lately. (As you can tell from my blog…) That word reflects where I’m at right now, and I’m guessing that’s where you’re at,based on your post.
I agree with Kitty that I think we can trust that we’ll take whatever action we need to do at the time. I’m seeing this as I’m working to clean out my deceased parents’ condo. I just try to take the next step that needs to be done.
July 5th, 2009 at 10:41 am
We feel we’re in the middle of a sea change here–with one of us returning to school to finish up a degree after a job loss…and the other reinventing a second career they hope to take into “retirement”.
Some things about the trip are exciting, others less so. But we keep trying to go with the flow and see what’s around the river’s bend.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Silly me, I somehow thought reinvention was a one shot deal. I have a feeling we all need to get used to constant reinvention. Every change, kids leaving, parenting parents, divorce and dating in midlife, all those changes mean we have to reinvent ourselves on some level. Some aspect of us will be different. I’m learning to be more patient with the process, but ooohhh, it IS hard at time, and exhilarating.