Comments on: The war on wrinkles

By: Cindy

Cindy — Fri, 29 May 2009 11:35:27 +0000

Wow — I’ve so enjoyed all the comments this post has generated. Clearly, we’re all wrestling with this issue in some way. Jenjen, I agree with what you wrote about feeling better when we take care of ourselves. (I think that aspect of good grooming gets lost amidst the aging issue.)

And Joanna Jenkins left a good comment about marketing/advertising and how this impacts the way we feel about ourselves.

Recently, a friend and I were talking about how we rarely purchase a fashion magazine anymore — which is totally unlike the way we were when we were in our twenties and couldn’t get enough of them! On the one hand, I’ve lost interest in magazines because they make me feel I’m “less than” if I don’t look like I’m 35 or 40. On the other hand, I also feel I’ve gained confidence in my OWN style, my OWN look, which is no longer dependent on the whims of the fashion gods. Now that I’m a grown-up, I don’t need to read magazines to tell me how to look, or, for that matter, how to live my life now. That leaves more time for other, bigger things.
–Cindy La Ferle

By: Elaine

Elaine — Thu, 28 May 2009 10:36:46 +0000

Love the skin you’re in … love the body you’re in … love the hair you’re in … love the nose you’re in … love the breasts you’re in … love the hips you’re in … love the toes you’re in (growing up, my best friend and I used to compare our toes to decide whose were prettier – she won!)

It’s a tall order. I’m batting .500.

Thought-provoking post, Cindy! Thank you.

By: Jenjen @GottaLoveMom

Jenjen @GottaLoveMom — Thu, 28 May 2009 04:12:49 +0000

Last Saturday when I brought my 2 kids to our friend-haircutter, she showed me a Chanel cream that sells for $500. ( I don’t think I can ever spend that much money on a cream). But she said her customer who uses it recently looks younger. (Fortunately I don’t have $500 to spend on a facial cream)

Women and men do look younger when they present themselves better. Men do have some “rituals” that keep them in-shape and looking fit. If you look good, you feel better, too, don’t you think?

When I’m feeling depressed for whatever reasons, I put on make-up and dress better. It just takes some of the worries away and when I’m happier, I do look younger.

So I think the best cream is happiness and love. For some reason, when we’re happy and we’re in-love we seem to look younger.

By: starrlife

starrlife — Thu, 28 May 2009 03:16:01 +0000

All I can do is sigh …. and keep fighting my vanity. I work on acceptance everyday- So many great points!

By: Joanna Jenkins

Joanna Jenkins — Mon, 25 May 2009 20:46:36 +0000

I have been wrestling with this same issue for several years. I do not “love the skin I’m in” but wonder if it’s me– or the marketing messages that are crammed down our throats ever where we turn by models in their 20s. I’m still not sure who and what I’m supposed to be/look at 50-something, but I’m glad to see other women are writing and thing about the same issues. Another GREAT post. Thanks Cindy!

By: Debra Darvick

Debra Darvick — Sun, 24 May 2009 11:25:53 +0000

Just catching up with your wonderful columns, Cindy! There’s a theme going on here — perfect weddings, perfect parenting, perfect beauty. All a myth and oh so boring. (the myth, NOT your columns!)
One woman I know has taken such care to keep her face unlined and untanned (no surgery) that it looks strangely embryonic. Another just had “some work” done. Her upper lip no longer when she speaks. Reminds me of the Simpsons, you know how their upper lips kind of swoop up?
I have my potions and lotions and am making peace with the subtle and not so subtle changes. I noticed last night that my KNEES were wrinkling! However, I never would have notices if I hadn’t been doing a yoga stretch and was bent over, palms to floor.
I think we should all go to France, where women “d’un certain age” are celebrated, and whose maturity is seen as beautiful and sexy.
Or let’s just keep those French women in mind.
What’s at the bottom of their “je ne sais quoi”?
They know that looking good is a state of mind and is found within themselves, not within a bottle!

By: Cindy

Cindy — Sat, 23 May 2009 18:49:47 +0000

I agree, Joanne — beauty is subjective. So many of the images we’re “fed” are Hollywood’s (and Madison Avenue’s) dream of how American women “should” look.

Ellen, many of the mature models I’m writing about are in their fifties — Christie Brinkley, for example. Jacklyn Smith, for another. They’ve had “work done” and they are not typical examples of most women my age.

I’ve said it before in previous columns and articles I’ve written, and will repeat here: Europeans have a much healthier attitude toward aging. They revere and celebrate women of a certain age, and they are more concerned with skin “care” than cosmetic cover-up. I’ve seen it firsthand, and it’s pretty impressive. Americans are stuck in the old “Barbie” mode.

One more thing: Sharon, I think you look super with the darker hair, and I am glad you colored it! I color my hair too, and want to be a wild and crazy old lady with red hair. I do think we ought to leave room to enjoy “decorating” ourselves, no matter how old or young we are. I don’t mean to imply that we shouldn’t have fun with cosmetics or hair color, if that’s our thing …. The word “fun” is the key, at any age. — CL

By: Joanne

Joanne — Sat, 23 May 2009 16:11:18 +0000

It’s such a subjective idea, looking beautiful. I think it’s important no matter the age, for women to take care of themselves with diet, exercise, fashion, spirituality, and their beauty shines through then, wrinkles or not. Embracing who we are, wherever we are in life, lends a confidence to our appearance that is unequaled.

By: Only the Half of It

Only the Half of It — Sat, 23 May 2009 15:51:59 +0000

Cindy,
Great post. I actually have a similarly themed essay I’m going to post soon — not about our looks so much but the same idea of being fixed.
So I loved this.
Keep in mind, many of those models in the glossy mags and ads are often younger than they even appear — say 18 looking 25 — so no wonder their skin is flawless. The worst of it all, though, is how the touch up the images so that even our most beautiful models, alleged icons on perfection, don’t even stand up to what we see in print.
And let there be no mistake, those cheaper products are just as good as those $100 or more… I have been reading this for years.
The secret is mostly staying out of the sun and using a good SPF, not smoking, hydrating and eating well, and using a good moisturizer.
Sadly (or luckily, depending on your situation), much of how we age is determined by genes.
In the end, I do believe beauty comes mostly from inside. And we all have an endless opportunity to dazzle with that.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sat, 23 May 2009 15:32:21 +0000

Cindy, once again you hit the nail on the head. The advertising industry wants it both ways so they appeal to the women who are aging gracefully and also to those who want to look younger. There’s a lot of money to be made. Personally, I use Olay products because I want to take care of my skin and if, in the process, it looks better then that’s a good deal. I celebrated my graying hair for fifteen years. Then this year I questioned if it was possibly keeping me from being competitive in the job market…so I have colored my hair for the first time in my life. Honestly, I do look 10+ years younger. I wish it didn’t matter but it does out there in the real world. On the other hand, Gloria Steinem has stayed true to her age, and I think she looks beautiful.