Finding our way home
Cindy on May 30th, 2009
“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” — Maya Angelou
Home. It’s my favorite word in the English language. As much as I love to travel, after a long trip there’s nothing that warms my heart more than the sight of the path leading to our front door. If I’m happy at home, everything feels right. There’s nothing I can’t do if the walls around me are sturdy, secure, and beautiful. And when I’m feeling adrift or lonely or empty, home is the only place that can fill the nameless ache in my soul.
Looking back on an eventful Memorial Day weekend vacation, I see that “home” was also the theme for my time away. At the start of our holiday, my husband and I drove to the west side of the state to continue working on the Frank Lloyd Wright home we purchased last year for our future retirement. We spent a couple of days cleaning up the gardens and transplanting perennials before heading out to Chicago to help our 23-year-old son move into the urban condo he bought recently.
It’s hard to describe the feeling you get when you watch your kid create the first real home of his own. It’s not quite the same as watching him move into that first crowded room in a college dorm. I suppose you could call it a crazy mix of pride, awe, disbelief, and excitement.
And yet … as deeply satisfying as it is to know that your child can function and thrive independently, it’s something else to realize that his definition of “home” now extends miles beyond the cozy, tree-lined neighborhood where you raised him. He’s choosing his own furniture and installing his own light fixtures. He’s got cookware in the oven drawer and beer glasses in his own kitchen cupboards. He’s planting fresh roots.
Taking after his folks, our son chose a condo with character in an historic building that boasts a variety of gorgeous (and quirky) architectural details — bay windows, mosaic floors, wrought-iron stair rails. (Fun fact: Child’s Play, a cult-classic horror film, was shot in this awesome building.) My husband and I were impressed with the choice our son made — and we left feeling confident that he’ll be very happy there. Still, we felt a faint little tug on our hearts as we waved good-bye and headed back toward the highway.
After arriving home in Royal Oak, we faced yet another midlife turning point. My mother-in-law decided that she was finally ready to look into a home for my father-in-law, whose dementia has clearly worsened in recent months. And so, my husband and his sister drove out to tour the new place with their mother, agreeing that this decision is the right one for both Mom and Dad — though it’s hardly an easy one. “Home” will soon change for my husband’s father in more ways than we can predict right now.
So there you have it. A retirement home in the making for my husband and me. A first home for our only son. A different place for my father-in-law. Our roots are pushing past old boundaries, reaching beyond familiar fences, reshaping home and family for us all. — Cindy La Ferle
May 30th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Love the Angelou quote. I think home, wherever I find myself, has something to do with the people I surround myself with. It’s a spiritual place, as much for the soul as the physical body, a place of peace.
May 30th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Cindy, talk about a time of transition for your family! When the definition of home changes for one person, it affects others in the family, too. Change, whether anticipated with excitement or planned out of need, brings with it uncertainty. Your thoughts reflect the grace with which you live your life.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Joanne,
Yes, home (and all architecture, generally) has as much to do with the spirit as it does with walls and foundations. And the people in our lives.
And Sharon, as you aptly point out, when home changes for one person in a family, it impacts the sense of place for everyone. Of course, many of the changes we’re talking about are natural and good. Kids moving out of their own, for example.
–CL
May 30th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
My home, humble as it is, indeed, is my castle. This makes me appreciate the shelter it provides, the comfort it allows and the family memories held within.
I cannot wait to see photos and hear more details about your retirement abode! And Bravo to your son for choosing a home with character and not just a plain, white box of a first place!
May 30th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
It does seem like a lot of profound changes are going on for many people right now.
As to “home”, on the one hand, I strongly need to be in my own space, my comfortable and familiar place where I’m able to relax and be myself. On the other hand, I’ve found that I’m able to make my “nest” quickly, no matter where I go.
With all the moves I’ve had to make, I’ve realized my connection to this primary home that we all share, this planet Earth. If I can stay in touch with that feeling, anywhere can be home.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Cindy,
So many aspects of home you touch upon here. What always stirs my heart, though, is the tenderness yet clarity with which you write. Your words always bring me “home.” I envy you a bit for having a FLW fixer upper. What an amazing gift and piece of history. And how very cool that your son is following in your footsteps with selecting a new home in such an historic place. I, too, love my home so much. I call it my “The Nest.” It is a place of safety and security and unending warmth. My favorite place to be…
May 31st, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Wow- could you have fit any more into that weekend? I can relate to this post, kind of the theme of one of my recent posts. I am a person of place- places resonate with me and have a huge impact on my spirit. I feel for your father/mother-in-laws – huge decision and process for everyone.Hooray for your son- sounds like a neat place and you already know what I think of your new house!
June 1st, 2009 at 7:25 am
Starrlife, the “weekend” actually stretched through the whole week. We didn’t make it to Chicago until Tuesday morning, which was Nate’s moving day. We stayed a couple of days, then returned to the Wright house in St. Joe before heading back to Royal Oak.
And I loved the post you wrote on “Life Decanted” about returning to your childhood home. Do you think that “sense of place” becomes even more important to us in midlife? — Cindy La Ferle
June 1st, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Aww, Cindy! Your heart was very busy last weekend. And you were present and mindful for each life-changing event. So much to reflect on, and of course, you do it beautifully each time. Thanks for sharing.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:34 am
Cindy, you definitely had a busy and memorable weekend.
I always think of home as the place where my family’s together.
So many changes all happening at the same time.
Wow, what a feeling seeing your son move to his own place. You must be proud; and wishing you well with yours and your father-in-law.
Thank you for sharing such a lovely post.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
You certainly have a lot on your plate and all in many different directions.
Your retirement home and your son’s new condo sound exciting. Your father-in-law could be your biggest challenge but hopefully he’ll settle into a new “home” and be a peace. I’m cheering you all on for the West coast.