Midlife and friendship
Cindy on April 16th, 2009
“My father used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a good life.” — Lee Iacocca
By the time we turn 50, we’ve established a complex social network of neighbors, friends, relatives, coworkers, and colleagues. At some point during midlife, we begin to reconsider some of those relationships — and where we need to devote our attention. We might try to reconnect with friends from high school or college. Or discover that we’ve outgrown a few relationships we enjoyed in the past. While midlife is all about growth and change, cutting old ties is never easy. Read about it in this week’s “Midpoint” column in The Oakland Press, then share your thoughts on how friendship evolves over time. — CL
Previous “Midpoint” columns are archived under CATEGORIES in the panel at right.
April 16th, 2009 at 8:07 am
What a touching article, and true in so many ways. Before I read it, my first thought was that midlife friendships are fewer, with a deeper connection, a quiet confidence almost. After reading your piece, I value more this midlife stage, with all the wisdom we bring now to our choices.
April 16th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I can really relate to this. In the 80s and 90s I remember being so busy, involved in so many community activities and get-togethers, and my phone was always ringing. (This was before email, of course.) Kind of wears me out just thinking about it now.
Since I’m so used to considering other people first, I still struggle with some guilt feelings over my choicess. But there are things I want to do with my life, and I have a duty to myself. So it’s a learning process.
April 17th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Now that I’m working FT again, I have to be even more choiceful about how and with whom I spend my free time. Of all my friends, I’ve discovered that it’s most important (and most challenging) to carve out quality time with my husband.
April 17th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Thanks Joanne — glad the column spoke to you!
Kitty, like you, I was running on the treadmill in the 80s and 90s, mostly with school activities and events for my son. I LOVED those days, and all the families that were part of our lives then. I should add that we still make a point of getting together with the parents of my son’s close friends from high school at least once a year — mainly family potlucks during the holidays when all the kids are back home for Christmas from their jobs around the country. I love that. Generally, though, things really changed after my son graduated from high school, and it took me a while to adjust to those changes.
Elaine — glad you mentioned your husband! It’s easy to forget “social time” with our spouses in the midst of work and social life
– Cindy La Ferle