As others see us
Cindy on April 23rd, 2009
“It’s the first impression, and it will either open the door or close it. It’s that important, so don’t mess it up.” — Nicholas Sparks (on query letters)
While many of us “meet” new people through blogs and online social networks, our person-to-person social skills remain a key factor in our careers and personal lives. Psychologists have discovered, in fact, that first impressions are far more powerful than we realize.
âFor centuries, people stayed in the communities in which they were born,â note Ann Demarais, Ph.D., and Valerie White, Ph.D., authors of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You ($12; Bantam). âNow, however, we live in an age in which people move to new houses and cities, change jobs, make new friends, and form new relationships at a rapid rate.â Whether you’re an unemployed mid-lifer or a new graduate preparing for job interviews, you don’t want to miss this book. It’s the topic of my Midpoint column today in The Oakland Press. –CL
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Comments (6) 
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April 23rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Great first impression suggestions in your piece! Thinking about this, I do also consider blogs a first impression in a way, and try to communicate much of the welcoming messages you mention through words. Blogs, if you follow them, seem to give a general impression of the individual, so your suggestions are almost universal to the cyber world as well.
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Thanks, Joanne! But I can’t claim credit for the suggestions in the column — they are all from the book reviewed in the piece!
April 25th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Great topic Cindy. I’ve actually been planning to write about a similar topic myself so won’t say too much here. In this context I’ll say one good point that has stuck with me is something I read in a WSJ career article recently: NEVER come off as desperate, even though you may well be, and never offer to work for less or free, lest you lower your perceived value. I know a lot of people need to hear this in this economy.
April 26th, 2009 at 8:11 am
thanks, Ellen — good points. Debra Darvick recently blogged about the topic of not working for free (as it relates to writers and journalists) on her blog. This is a problem common to writers, as you point out, across the board.
April 27th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
I’m relatively new to the world of blogging, having started last October in earnest. I’ve had a lot of fun converting some of the online relationships into meeting people in real life. I think that knowing something about someone from writing back and forth, commenting on blogs, etc. allows you to start the in-person relationship in a positive manner. And I think it can help prevent you from making a snap judgment about someone. Nice post.
April 27th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Cindy,
Susan Boyle kept popping into my mind as to how we create first impressions. She’s a good lesson in how we make assumptions based on our first contact.
Sounds like some very good advice here especially intriguing for anyone who is having to venture into new or unaccustomed social territory (midlife dating, new job, etc). Thanks for the tip!