Losing my connection?
Cindy on November 9th, 2008
“Cell phones are the latest invention in rudeness.” — D.H. Mondfleur
I didn’t realize the darned thing was missing until my husband caught me off guard.
âWhere’s your cell phone?â he asked.
âGee, I dunno,â I said, faking genuine concern. I couldn’t even recall the last time I’d used it, and frankly, I didn’t care. Still, I dug through drawers and underneath the car seats. No cell phone. Oh well. But then my husband remembered we’d just dropped off a carload of discards, including some old purses, for the church rummage sale. I swore my phone wasn’t in any of those purses, but he didn’t want to believe me. That’s how we ended up at church the night before the sale, rummaging through my discarded handbags and coat pockets. And just as I suspected, my cell phone wasn’t there.
My husband and son still ridicule me about this. (We never did find the missing cell — and I rarely use the replacement they bought for me.)
Regardless, I suspect many of us are stressed-out because we’re ridiculously over-connected. As comedian and stress-management expert Loretta LaRoche observes, most people can’t even run a quick errand to the supermarket without an assortment of communication devices.
âWe now look more like a member of a SWAT team than someone shopping for groceries,â LaRoche writes in Life Is Not a Stress Rehearsal: Bringing Yesterday’s Sane Wisdom into Today’s Insane World. âGod forbid we should be out of touch for ten minutes, in case something critical happens,â LaRoche adds. âAnd since we have the contraptions there with us, what the hell, we can call home and tell everyone we got bread.â
LaRoche also worries that common courtesy has gone the way of the manual typewriter, thanks to what she calls âthe technology of immediacy.â I know exactly what she means.
At a writer’s conference I attended two years ago, somebody’s bleeping cell phone disrupted (twice) a wonderful lecture given by author Michael Beschloss. Last month, the same thing happened at a funeral service. And, at the drug store last week, I was subjected to another customer’s cell conversation while waiting in line for a prescription. Oblivious to everyone within earshot, the woman laughed and chattered on her phone, punctuating every sentence with the âFâ word.
Am I the only person in the world who can live happily ever after without a cell phone glued to her ear?
Lately, whether I’m traveling the back roads or expressways, every other car is driven by some Chatty Cathy with one hand on a cell phone. I’ve watched these drivers swerve in and out of lanes, fail to use turn signals, and even run red lights. I’ve had it with them.
I realize, of course, that some careers can’t be conducted without cell phones. Cell phones are essential to working parents — and they’re truly handy if your car breaks down after midnight on the highway. In any real emergency, they’re worth their weight in gold. But I refuse to treat my cell as if it’s part of my anatomy.
I believe LaRoche is right when she says that most of us are longing for real human connection. We look busy and productive, but maybe we’re just lonely. Maybe we need more time to connect — really connect — person to person. âOur grandparents’ generation was a lot saner than ours,â LaRoche writes. âIt was more in touch and more involved with friends, family, and community.â And somehow they managed it all without cell phones, pagers, and e-mail. Imagine that. – Cindy La Ferle
November 9th, 2008 at 10:26 am
My first husband made me get a cell phone. I only really used it to talk with him. The phone I have now is never really used and my husband doesn’t use his much either. As soon as the contract is up, we plan to dump them in favor of pre-paid for emergency (we live in a rural area and driving in the winter is an issue).
November 9th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Annie, I’m glad to hear I’m not alone. (And I do see the need for pre-paid in an emergency.) I’m nervous about winter weather, and we get our share here in Michigan.
November 9th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Cell phones are a must for emergency situations in our rural area also. The Farmer uses his as a primary business phone. But amen to the comments concerning cell phone usage in public places. The rude factor is off the charts. The first thing we do in a public meeting is to turn them off.
I’m with you in another area. Some people (not naming names) in my family use THOUSANDS of minutes per month. I used less than 100 minutes.
- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife
November 9th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Cindy, I am in total agreement with you, Annie, and Suzanne on this. I didn’t have a cell phone until a little over a year ago, a gift from my husband and son as I was put on my son’s plan. I still wouldn’t have one if not for them – I stay home if the winter weather is that bad, and I’ve been known to knock on someone’s door to use the phone if I have car trouble. I like the idea of a pre-paid phone for emergencies and will use that idea if I ever get “disconnected” from my son’s plan.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Cindy and all, I agree! I think that cell phones are great in an emergency and important for some jobs. But I think a lot of cell phone behavior has gone too far. We don’t need to hear everyone chatting or swearing in public. Recently, I saw an ad for an airline that offered cozy amenities for overnight flights. And one of the selling points was that people would be unavailable from their cell phones and Blackberries and they could rest or relax in comfort. Why do we have to go on an overnight flight to tell people that we’re sometimes not going to answer our cell phones or Blackberries?
November 10th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Great points, everyone! I was just thinking, too, about how I have been losing touch BECAUSE of e-mail, too. Rather than visit in person, or walk over to her house, for example, my communication with my next-door neighbor is mostly by E-MAIL ! How bad is that? — Cindy La Ferle
November 10th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
It’s a strange transformation. I plead guilty on the count of being attached to my cell phone. (Not in traffic, cashier lines, or ladies room stalls!)
It’s a real mixed blessing. Are we as independent? Does it impede our kids’ independence to be nine digits and four seconds away? Or is it the 21st century rendition of how we once lived — three generations of family under one roof, adult kids living at home till marriage the norm.
OK here’s something high-tech — my son was interviewed by CNN on hands free technology for the car: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/10/31/aa.hands.free.law/
My neighbor and I email daily, Cindy, too but we always make time for tea a couple of times a week!
November 11th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Thanks for your perfect words Cindy, and I couldn’t agree more. Somebody needs to start a ‘Cell Phone Etiquette’ movement. Even worse, are our children – they are text crazy. My child never talks to his friends, he text messages them. They do the same, and their little fingers fly on those keys. How frightening for our world, with little face-to-face communication – Hmmm, come to think of it, I think you and I can relate to that too – YIKES!
November 12th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I know texting is the preferred method of communication now with a cell phone. How ironic. My husband says it’s just an electronic telegraph. But I remember reading about “Blackberry Thumb” a while back — people experiencing arthritis or trauma with using their thumbs so much in such a tight space. Something to think about. And some have questioned the physical safety of using cell phones too often. So I think moderate use at appropriate times is the way to go with this technology.
November 13th, 2008 at 8:21 am
It’s funny, but public cell phone use doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t grate on my nerves, doesn’t ruffle my feathers. Maybe because I love to eavesdrop on conversations! ha ha! Actually, there are other eitquette faux pas which bother me more, like men who wear hats indoor, or people who walk through a door kindly held open for them with not so much as a thank you or a grateful glance. Now these things would be considered old-fashioned (esp the hat), but they bother me much more than an old cell phone conversation any day.