My side of the fence
Cindy on October 12th, 2008
Growing up in the 1960s, I was fed the idea that “nice people” didn’t discuss religion or politics in public. Ever. At the family dinner table, I once asked my parents to reveal their candidates for an upcoming election. I was told in no uncertain terms that it was none of my business — though I did get the impression that my folks weren’t all that keen on the Kennedy clan.
My father, who later confessed that he was a registered Republican, agreed that Thomas Jefferson was right about the need for “a wall between church and state.” But for the most part, Dad never debated loaded political issues at family gatherings or cocktail parties. Because of that, I suppose, I’m still uncomfortable about expressing my political views in public — especially in print.
Which is odd, really, for someone who enrolled in journalism school in the radical 1970s and was somewhat politically active. At the time, Michigan State University was a safe place in which to express or refute opinions on controversial topics such as abortion, diversity, date rape, gay partnership, global warming or animal rights. During my senior year, I did an independent study on environmental issues and helped produced a documentary on recycling. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder what happened to the passionate young woman I was.
But once I graduated college and joined the work force in the 1980s, discussing politics was something I did only with my closest friends. And even then, I felt vaguely uneasy.
Today, it doesn’t help that I’m a closet Democrat living in a politically conservative neighborhood where people rely on their priests or pastors to tell them how to vote. Earlier this fall, a neighbor who just assumed I was a conservative voter reminded me that “liberals have no family values.” Of course, I was deeply offended. After all, I’ve been happily married to the same man for 27 years, raised a solid family, attended church, provided childcare for the neighborhood kids, taken care of my aging mother, and spearheaded our Neighborhood Watch program. Not to mention all the newspaper and magazine columns I’ve written in celebration of home and family.
Yet I didn’t say a word in response. I let her ramble on. And now I’m ashamed that I wasn’t bold enough to speak out and declare my liberal position. (Worse yet, this has happened to me more than once.) Why on earth did I feel I had no right to speak my own political truth — while my Republican neighbor clearly felt entitled to campaign for hers? As author Alice Walker reminds us, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
Like everyone else, I’m terribly worried about the future of our beleaguered country. Our upcoming election in November will be one of the most important events in American history. And so, last month, I finally made the decision to break my code of silence. When friends or colleagues ask for my honest opinion on hot-button issues, now they get an earful instead of my usual vague response.
A few conservative friends have distanced themselves from me, or worse, have resorted to sending e-mails bearing dubious or inflammatory messages, such as, “Obama is the anti-Christ.” It’s been decades since bigotry cast its long shadow on my community and country — but here is it again, and it breaks my heart.
Last month I drove to our local Democratic party headquarters and wrote a check. I volunteered to help in the campaign where I am needed. And while I was at it, I picked up several large Obama signs on my way out. Pulling into my driveway at home, I rallied my inner political college girl and pulled those signs out of the trunk. I planted them squarely in my front yard — where everyone can see them. – Cindy La Ferle
–Portions of this post originally appeared last month on the Michigan Women’s Forum and 50-something Moms blog.–
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Comments (13) 
Columns and essays
October 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I’ve been debating whether to put Obama signs up on my lawn amidst my right-leaning neighbors. The “good girl” in me doesn’t want to be provocative. The “citizen” in me wants to stand behind my beliefs. The “chicken” in me will likely continue this inner debate until November 4th, when it becomes a moot point.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ll try to let it nudge me closer to a decision.
October 12th, 2008 at 11:35 am
I hear ya — I still struggle with this! Thanks for posting, Elaine.
October 12th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I lean Democrat but I seldom get into any real arguments with right leaners. This is because I have found that it quickly leads to sound-bite sloganism and that the idea of give and take debate based on facts isn’t part of the “game”.
I remember my dad and his cousin, who was in seminary at the time, arguing over the teachings of Dr.King. This was probably 1967. I was really young but it was probably the only time I heard politics discussed so heatedly in a family setting. Even the war was a subject that rarely came up. What’s funny is that my dad was the last person who would have based his opinion of someone on the color of their skin or their religion. He was very much a person who accepted or dismissed people based on their merit. But he couldn’t stand politics that was based on civil disobedience. He was a rules guy -still is. He thought everything could be worked out through legislation and the courts.
October 12th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Annie, your dad sounds a lot like my late father. I think my dad would have been very surprised (and upset) at what has happened to his GOP in recent years. He might have gone the way of Buckley’s son (in the article I linked in the current post).
October 12th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I’m independent and it annoys me this darn 2 party system that polarizes everyone. It is tricky to talk politics with friends, even when they are similar. A friend of mine said something to the effect that she was uncomfortable with Obama’s body language! I thought it was funny because that is one of the things that I like, is that complete and utter ownership of himself that he projects- it feels so authentic I find it irresistible.I didn’t argue with her but did say what I just wrote and let it go. Tricky.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I agree, and I envy my Canadian friends and family members who have a lot more choices. I’ve been keeping my mouth zipped for a long time, in the name of diplomacy, when people with opposing politics try to challenge me. In that case, silence probably is golden. But discomforting. It’s so much easier to avoid those who disagree and to hang, instead, with longtime friends whose values I share and who validate mine … but I know that’s not the way the big world works. We’re all going to have to make peace and work together in the long run. Mitch Albom’s 10/12/08 column makes excellent points along the same lines: http://www.freep.com/article/20081012/COL01/810120379/1082
October 12th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Cindy, I know what this meant for you to put this blog on your Web site. Thank you.
We didn’t put up political signs at all until a few years ago, starting with school-related topics. For our local school issues, I felt I had to take a stand, because I saw that an organized group of citizens was lying about our schools and blocking important measures we needed to take as a community. So I wrote a letter to the editor, then I got a call to join a group of community activists who supported the schools. I am so glad I did, especially when I see that our school buildings and programs are ready for the 21st century.
But this is the first time we put up a sign for a presidential race.
The older I get, I realize I’d rather have someone dislike me for who I am than to like me for who I’m not.
I know it’s a cliche, but it’s a good one: you can never please everybody — so you’ve got to please yourself. There will ALWAYS be people who disagree with point of view — whatever side you’re on. That’s one of the things about America that I love: we CAN speak our minds respectfully.
October 13th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Cindy,
Wow, thanks for sharing what really hits home for me. I find it especially difficult to discuss politics and religion with my more conservative friends and family. I’m getting more confident, though, and working on launching my own blog into cyberspace. It scary–but somehow feels more necessary and important to assert my true self after being quiet about this deep, passionate part of me for so long.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful posts!
October 13th, 2008 at 8:03 am
My husband reminded me that in England there is a “Raving Looney Monster Party” that people can vote for when the other options aren’t acceptible. Plenty of votes in their favor would send a message to the folks in D.C. that we aren’t happy out here in our red and blue states!
October 13th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
As good as the first time I read it.
You have to follow your gut and your heart. Besides, I think our fears of being rejected for speaking out are usually far greater than reality.
October 13th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Thanks for the kind words! You’re right about our fears of being rejected… and yet, in this particularly ugly campaign, many of us HAVE lost friendships, or else they have been altered to a point where they don’t feel as comfortable anymore. It has been a test, really, of who our friends really are — and why we are friends with them — I suppose??
October 14th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Cindy I have to tell you, I just posted my first ever blog about religion the other day and it really made me nervous. I think even more nervous than the first political post I did a few weeks ago after reading this one on 50-Something. But I’m with you. We need to speak out–especially about this election.
October 30th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Thank you for a thoughtful and well written piece. I would like to respond, respectfully, that I simply don’t agree with Sen. Obama’s policy positions, although there are many things about him and his family that I admire and respect. For me, and for countless others, race is not the issue. I am voting for Sen. McCain because his view of government and its role is more in line with my own. In our neighborhood, it has been interesting to see that the signs are about 50/50, but we all still get along! It has certainly been upsetting to read the crazy emails some people send (regarding all the candidates!), but I am thankful for all our blessings here in the U.S.