Taking care of Mom, part 2

Author Cindy on January 15th, 2008

What a month … On January 3rd, my mother nearly passed out at her kitchen table and was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. She remained in critical care on the cardio floor for a week, and then was sent to a nursing center near my home. While I think her cardiovascular issues are under control, Mom remains dizzy and, in her words, “a little foggy.” (She’s getting physical therapy to help her regain her balance.)

But she also developed a bronchial infection in the hospital last week. This bug is nasty, and a recent X-ray shows signs of pneumonia. Mom will remain at the nursing center until we get a handle on this new development. And I’ve pretty much cleared my calendar to be available to stay with her for a few days, once she returns home.

There’s a great deal of emotional and physical work to be done when our parents decline.

My mother is a widow and I’m her only child. We’re also best friends. And so, meanwhile, I’ve been driving to her condo daily to sort through her mail, clear out her refrigerator, inform her friends and neighbors, and process her incoming bills. (Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who’s there to manage our own home, and my freelance writing work has built-in flexibility.) While I always knew the day would come when Mom’s health would fail and I would have to assume full responsibility, the sad reality of that fact never fully registered — until now. And though it’s entirely possible that my mother will recover and function somewhat independently for a while longer, the guarantee on that is limited.

My mother’s health crisis has also reopened old discussions on the pros and cons of being (and having) an only child. It’s not easy being the sole advocate for an aging parent. In theory, I can see where it would be ideal if I had a supportive sibling (or two or three) to help me take care of my ailing mother. But those siblings would have to live in the same state, in a nearby town, and be just as ready-and-willing as I am to restitch the fraying fabric of my mother’s fragile life. Friends from larger families tell me this is rarely the reality.

Meanwhile, I keep doing the only thing I know how to do in this instance — and that is to care for my mom as patiently and lovingly as I can. – CL